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I was emotional after a visit over to my Mom's.  She was having a hard time getting settled down for bed.  (she is early stage vascular dementia)

My plan was to come home and ask FFw to snuggle for a while...she's mad about...apparently mad that I was trying to get some kids to finish kitchen chores or something.

I tried to engage her in conversation, she cut me off a couple of times so I left the room.

So...instead of comfort there is ranting.

My plan is a hot bath, stretching and off to bed...

Best,

FF

Sorry man... wish I had words of wisdom. It's too bad she can't be there for you right now. Disengaging does sound like your best bet. I hope she is able to come back to baseline and support you tomorrow.
Time for me to stretch out too...

I'm sorry you are experiencing not feeling supported.

I think this isn't unusual. If a pwBPD is not able to handle their own emotions, well then they also can't manage someone else's well. With poor boundaries, they may have difficulty perceiving where the emotions come from.

She may have felt bad for you, but then the feeling isn't processed well.

But the result is that you don't feel supported when you are upset or emotional and that is hard. It's good that you have a T for emotional support.

So...thankfully..."poof" the other wife (nice one) showed up this morning. (she slept somewhere else)

I left the past in the past and FFw and I had a good (and helpful) conversation about my Mom and my concerns.

The female perspective was very helpful because she raised the possibility of a yeast infection from antibiotic use.  I was able to talk to Mom's geriatrician with an after hours call and he agreed it was enough of a possibility to go ahead and call in meds to treat.

The quick version:  Mom has mouth pain but 2 doctors (and me) have looked in there and see nothing.  She also randomly complains of hip pain and it's possible that due to modesty she won't reveal exactly where it hurts or is "burning".  

Anyway...last night sucked.  Bigtime.  I did have a nice bath, good stretch.  OK sleep..a bit restless.

I appreciate you guys being here.  I can't imagine my life without the support of all of you guys.

Thanks!

FF

Just adding something to consider with your mom, in case her physician didn't tell you.  Infections, such as UTI's can affect mental clarity, but the physical symptoms can be subtle.

My mom's mental clarity was fine. Then one day, she had a UTI and it was like instant mental clarity issues and hallucinations. 

Yes, one of the first things we did with my mom's hallucinations was rule out a UTI.

We are treating for the possibility of a yeast infection, which could explain the weird mouth feelings...yet look normal in there. 

3 rounds of antibiotics could contribute to this.

And..please back me up on this.  With that much antibiotics..the chance of UTI is low..right?

She denies any weird feelings when peeing and her water/fluid intake seems to be normal/consistent over the past few months.

Thoughts?

Best,

FF

From what you wrote, sounds like you mom lives at her home, as opposed to in a care facility.  Has she been hospitalized or had any out-patient procedures in the recent past?

I guess I experienced the worst of the worst with my mom.  When she was in her first skilled nursing facility, she kept complaining about her mouth.  It was tough to get anyone at the facility to take it seriously. The complaints went on for a couple weeks.  Eventually, it was determined that she had MRSA in her mouth (had to have acquired it from that facility, or the hospital before it)

There can be varied experiences with a UTI.  It's possible to have a UTI, but the usual initial tests doesn't show it. I have had that issue & ended up having to see a urologist for a period of time.

Certain antibiotics work better for UTI's.  There can be some antibiotic resistant UTI's.  I think this is more likely to happen when someone is in a skilled nursing facility or hospital.  During the last few months of my mom's life, she kept having UTI's.  One episode was tested as being associated with VRE (an antibiotic resistant form of a UTI).  This led to an episode of sepsis.

I'm not trying to scare you, but UTI's aren't necessarily simple with the elderly. My mom spent the last 5 months of her life in hospitals or skilled nursing facilities.  The majority of that time she had UTI's.  She would get treatment, but then there would be another round.  She has sepsis 3 times.  One of those times, they diagnosed sepsis before the UTI.   

Anyway, I don't want to scare you.  My experience with my mom is perhaps a bit unusual.  We couldn't get the care facilities to proactively test my mom for UTI's, after the first couple of episodes.  Waiting for a patient to get septic, wasn't a good course of action.  It couldn't hurt to have your mom tested for a UTI.  I'm sure you will be told it isn't needed, but it could be worthwhile to have it ruled out.

So...Mom's conditions scare me/concern me...but I think I do pretty good detaching and working through possibilities (kinda like working through issues on an airplane that isn't right...but you have to land it..or get wet)

My Mom lives by herself in a single level home a long walk/short drive from my house.  My family members and I are in and out of the house multiple times per day...so we have a pretty good feel for things.  

When there is a "shift" we pay more attention.

Amoxicillin 500mg date filled 03/25/21  take 2 tablets by mouth twice a day

Cephalexin 500mg capsule  date filled 4/9/21  Take 1 capsule by mouth every 12 hours

Azithromycin 500 mg tablet date filled 4/25/21  1 tablet by mouth every day.

For the first two fills there were throat issues and a doc could look in there and say..yep...ugg, bad throat..let's clear that up.  Likely the first round didn't clear it all.

Then this past weekend my Mom was in distress on Sunday, asking for help feeling better.  She hadn't done any medication yet, so I took her to walk in.  He head was "pulling", throat scratchy, tongue scratchy, ...I looked in and it looked completely normal.

No temp..all vitals solid and in normal ranges.  Doc looked her over good and his concern/observation was..."I don't see anything out of the ordinary and certainly nothing that matches your symptoms."

He was happy to treat with a different class of antibiotic but wanted us to follow up.

So..Wed..went to geriatrics.  NP there had same report...all looks good and referred us to ENT (is there something at base of tongue that is causing issues?).  Awaiting a call to make that appointment.

Well..every day there was improvement in Mom and on Friday she was just complaining about the "tip of her tongue burning".

Saturday we had a phone conversation with her MD geriatrician and talked about two possibilities.

1.  yeast infection in mouth (and maybe elsewhere)

2.  vitamin deficiency can cause weird mouth issues.

Decision made to treat via a pill for 7 days for yeast and "see how that goes".

I followed up with Mom and went over her pills and supplements.  She does NOT take a daily multi vitamin.  She does eat a varied and healthy diet.

We are probably getting yearly labs toward end of the month or first of June...so unless this forces us to do something earlier..I'm going to make sure and get a full vitamin panel.

I specifically didn't ask about her mouth today and she didn't mention it...I'll sniff around when she takes her meds tomorrow.

There is a possibility that this is a weird form of hallucination brought on by a vascular event.

She has mild vascular dementia with a potential for an Alzheimer's component.

So...I think that's about all the info I have right now.  Totally open to any questions/ideas.

Best,

FF

Just read things over.  No facilities, hospitalizations or procedures.  Just some normal doctor appointments and covid vaccine.