BPDFamily.com

Hello!

I'm new here and looking to build up a strong support network. Not really sure how this all works but I thought I would introduce myself and talk a bit about why I'm here.

I'm 28 and grew up in a rural part of western Canada. I work as an Educational Assistant in an elementary school and absolutely love the little kiddos I get to hang out with. I have a bachelor's degree in Linguistics and am currently studying to become an Archaeologist. Most of my time is spent with my partner, working, studying or reading. occasionally I pull out my sketchbook or paintbrushes when I have the spare time.

I'm here because my sister was very recently diagnosed with BPD. It is something I have suspected for a very long time. As a young child I thought there was something a-typical about her behaviour but it wasn't until my cousin was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago that I really started thinking she had BPD.  However, I have never really considered what that diagnosis meant or how it affected me until my sister was formally diagnosed.

I have unrelated PTSD and have been counselling for 2 years. Before her diagnosis, we had begun recognizing and working on setting boundaries with my sister. It is something I really struggle with and I hope to really work on.

So yeah, that is me. I have purchased a few workbooks, and books for loved ones of someone with BPD but I also wanted to join a support group. I have a strong network of friends and family but I worry they will get sick of me constantly bringing up my new self discoveries haha.

Welcome! We are all about hearing some new self-discoveries here.  |iiii :wee: |iiii

What's the hardest part about setting boundaries with your sister?

I'm glad you're here.

pj

Hi there, I’m new here too! I understand how hard boundaries are and how emotionally and mentally draining it is. Please remember to take care of yourself. It isn’t always easy, but you can’t help someone if you don’t take care of yourself first. I am sending you good energy and wish the absolute best for you.

I'm glad to be here!

I think the hardest part is knowing there will likely be pushback or some name calling. I get called "selfish" or a "brat" if I try to set any boundaries with her or hold ones I've already established. I also struggle with not getting heated myself. My learned coping mechanism has been to get angry as it shuts the conversation down much more quickly. Usually because it sets off a blow up and then one of us leaves. I'm hoping to develop a healthier way of communicating with her so I'm currently reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and going through the workbook as well.

hi Nayadee,
Can I ask why you're living with your sibling?

Welcome.  My siblings are super dysfunctional, but it's mostly because my Mom is BPD'd / NPD'd.  Undiagnosed. 

I know cause she sent me the book when I was your age.  Projection.

b

Yeah - the whole "you're being selfish" is a quick, easy way to hurt and therefore control. They use this phrase because it's worked on you and others, and it's a way for them to alleviate their own discomfort. Her comments are a good indication of how much she's hurting. It's intended to hurt you but it's not personal, and the sooner you fully accept that, the sooner you'll find yourself getting less heated.

All of us have limits, no matter how many tools we learn or how much we accept. When you feel yourself getting heated, check in with your body - is your pulse rate up? Is your breathing faster? Are you holding tension in your muscles? time for a break. Find a way to step away or give yourself some space.


I struggle with this too. It's worse when I'm already stressed, tired, or hungry. SWOE and learning the tools shared here really helps. It's hard work, and sometimes it feels counterintuitive when put in practice until you get the hold of it, but it works and it's so worth it!

Welcome Nayadee! I'm new here, too.
I just read the Stop Walking on Eggshells book you're reading and I hope it helps you as much as it did me. I also enjoy art - I love to draw greeting cards, and sell my cards at various retailers and online. Best of luck with your journey!