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Title: I've been telling her everything is fine for so long, now I'm considering LC Post by: Platypus1234 on May 20, 2021, 12:17:40 PM Hi all. This is my first post here.
I am an adult child living independently from my uBPD Mum. Due to her tendency toward rage and her self-destructive tendencies, I have been pretending for a long time that there are no issues in our relationship. Plus, it doesn't seem to solve anything when I try to talk about things. Now that things are opening up, she wants me to go and spend a few days alone with her at her place. She really put me on the spot, and I caved and said yes. I really don't want to do it. I don't want to go no-contact, but I don't want as much contact as she does. Has anyone tried to talk about reducing (or not increasing) contact after a long time of pretending all is ok? How on earth can I approach her with this? I feel terrible for having been dishonest Title: Re: I've been telling her everything is fine for so long, now I'm considering LC Post by: pursuingJoy on May 20, 2021, 03:02:19 PM I really don't want to do it. Go with your gut. Not wanting to join her on this trip is enough. How on earth can I approach her with this? I feel terrible for having been dishonest 1. You could tell her everything and say no. She will likely feel overwhelmed and blind-sided and will have a lot of questions. 2. You could simplify and come up with a one liner, something like, "This isn't a good time for me to step away. I hope you have a great time, though." 3. You could provide a scheduling conflict as a reason you can't go, or perhaps even suggest an alternative plan with her that would require less time together. None of these are ideal, and maybe you'll come up with another option. Just trying to get the creative juices flowing. Think about what will work best in your scenario. For now, I might suggest buying yourself a little time and think about whether and when to tell her your reasons. Title: Re: I've been telling her everything is fine for so long, now I'm considering LC Post by: Platypus1234 on May 20, 2021, 04:29:57 PM Thank you for your reply. Regarding scheduling, she has pretty much pinned me down! It's just nice to be able to share what's going on and see if anyone else has gone through similar
Title: Re: I've been telling her everything is fine for so long, now I'm considering LC Post by: beatricex on May 26, 2021, 11:18:56 PM Hi Platypus,
Yes. You don't really have to say anything. Just slowly decrease the contact. If she notices, say "I'm getting better boundaries".. after all the years of not solving anything (her choice) maybe it's time for her to wonder about a few things, not you. b |