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Title: Should you say "i'm not abandoning you"? Post by: NeedAdvice87 on May 26, 2021, 09:50:15 AM Is it right or wrong to tell a bpd friend "I'm not abandoning you" when lovingly disengaging from them?
I'm having a hard time telling if that's right or wrong, bc part of me really does want to abandon them. But I know as their friend that they need to hear that I'm not abandoning them or else their emotions will be triggered again. Title: Re: Should you say "i'm not abandoning you"? Post by: formflier on May 26, 2021, 10:40:03 AM Usually it's better to give them a date/time when you will be back in contact. So better to do something affirmatively...than try to convince them of a negative. I am going to be doing (blank) versus I am not doing (blank) Now...it may not work..but there is less chance of them twisting it. Best, FF Title: Re: Should you say "i'm not abandoning you"? Post by: NeedAdvice87 on May 26, 2021, 11:04:50 AM Thanks for the advice! I feel so saddened by this. I don't want to hurt her. We are very close friends, I'm her fp for the last 6 years. I just said basically: i love you, i'm not abandoning you, i feel very overwhelmed by the extremity of your emotions and i am working to figure out what i need in order for this to be a healthy friendship for me. I said I was getting professional help and needed space to do this. I also said I hate that they have to endure such agony and that I know it's not her fault and stems from abandonment issues. at the end I emphasized i love you and i'm not abandoning you, and hopefully i will have more clarity on this by next Wednesday.
I hadn't had a chance to read your message at the time. Do you think I am handling this gracefully? Title: Re: Should you say "i'm not abandoning you"? Post by: formflier on May 26, 2021, 11:44:53 AM So...there is a chance you message is "invalidating" her. Google bpdfamily "invalidation" and also "validation". You will find lots of stuff to read. Let's see if you get a response. Best, FF |