BPDFamily.com

Hi
I became involved with a beautiful lady two years ago whom I believe now has some type of personality disorder. I knew at the beginning of our relationship that she is a drinker but, I thought it was something that was manageable for her or at least something that I hoped she may be able to curtail with my help. I was wrong. she is also a smoker. It didn't take me long to find out that these were the more stable parts of her personality. We used to live 6 hours apart so for the first 5 months, we only spent weekends together. She then found a job in the city where I live and moved in with me.
From the beginning, I had a difficult time adjusting to someone living with me as this was the first person to do so since my divorce. I have no doubt she loved me very much for the first year but after she moved in here, it became horrible.
After 8 months, I told her that if she didn't move out, we would end up breaking up. She found a place of her own and we would normally spend weekends together and one or two days a week. I thought things were going much better. Boy was I wrong!
Over the last year or so, she has sent on about five separate occasions texts outlining why we should break up and then ask me if that's what I want. I always told her no except for the last time. I thought we were broken up but she still contacts me. She has stayed at my place a few times since then and I thought things were going really well again and I told her that I want us to get back together again and she agreed. She told me she was so happy we reconciled and that her daughter was happy for us that we were back together again.
About a week and a half ago we had plans for me to come out and spend the weekend at her place. She texted at eleven pm on the Friday before cancelling. She does that quite often too. We have broken up and she continues to keep breaking up with me. She says she doesn't love me and then later that day she says she adores me. She says she no longer finds me attractive and later on she sends a text saying she wants to seduce me and then apologizes right after that. I think that's pretty cruel.
Does it sound like she may indeed be suffering from some type of personality disorder?

it sounds like what youre really asking is how, and whether you should break up with this person.

i wont answer the latter directly; its your decision, but we can help you in the execution and best methods. i will say that the relationship is dysfunctional, and its at a breaking point that would be difficult to recover from. as well, the more makeup/breakup cycles a relationship experiences, the more trust is broken, and conflict is entrenched.

in order to break up, you would have to determine that its the hard but healthy decision (some of the healthiest decisions are often the hardest) and choose to let go. from the sound of it, you have not reached that point. but unless you can figure out a drastically different approach to get things the relationship on better footing (the Bettering board can help with this), or resolve that its over, your circumstances, and the relationship, such as it is, will get worse.

im personally not a fan of hard and fast cut offs, generally speaking (there are cases where it may be necessary). they can create a lot of unnecessary drama, and needless hurt for both parties. with a highly sensitive and impulsive person, they can escalate. from the sound of it, i think theres a chance she would go all in on trying to get you back, likely leave again, and youd feel worse off than before.

but her staying at your place, if youre trying to breakup, or wind contact down, would be an example of things you want to nip in the bud. being clear and consistent in your intention of breaking up is vital. but you have to emotionally be in that place for the rest to follow.