BPDFamily.com

 :hi: For YEARS I have struggled with my turbulent and confusing relationship with my mom. After a long meeting about her recent behavior with my therapist, she suggested I look into BPD. I started reading ‘Surviving a Borderline Parent’ over the long weekend and I almost wept with relief from the validation.

My therapist and I discussed bringing up the idea of therapy to my mom (not by presenting BPD of course, but just in general since her stress has been unbearable) and now she is accusing me of all sorts of things. As I come to terms with her possibly having this disorder, I am so overwhelmed, and her anger feels like something I can’t (don’t know!) how to deal with right now!

Welcome, poOkie. I can feel the relief and the grief and stress in your post.

I was conditioned to make myself smaller and smaller to give the other person space. One day, it came to setting boundaries. I was soo scared so I went to a friend and I said, "I need space, but it will make them mad." I expected empathy, but instead, my friend said, "Then do it. If they get mad, they'll get over it." It felt like a glass of cold water in my face, but I remember these words often when I worry about upsetting people.

Your mom's anger, her hurt, and her frustration are her responsibility to manage, not yours. For right now, name your emotions and identify your needs. You're overwhelmed, so what do you need today and how can you get it?

Hang in there. Take it one day at a time. It's a lot, but you're going to get through this, and it will be ok. Big hug to you.

dont take your mum to therapy   she will make it about you...