BPDFamily.com

Hi all,
I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice or insight in to my situation, if anyone has been in either mine or my husbands position in this.

My husband began to withdraw, spending more and more time on online gaming during lockdown and after I had a miscarriage in August last year. It went from a pass time to an addiction and when I began asking him to quit back in February he had a regressive episode, with fearful child like behaviour, telling me he loves me and doesn't want to hurt me but that he didn't see a future.
He left to go to his parents and stated after a couple of hours that he didn't know why he said those things.

A week or so went by and he was telling me he loved me and that he wanted to be with me and have our little family bubble but was really confused.
He came and collected all his belongings "to make space for baby's room" but insisted he was still coming back.
As time went on he would come stay at the weekend but then one weekend had an episode of borderline rage, left and blocked me on everything for about a month. He then tried contacting me and panicked when I didn't respond asking if it was over and if we were getting a divorce.

I responded by telling him I had seen the evidence of the escort girls he had been messaging, while I was blocked, for sex. He at first told me he had done it on purpose to make me finally end the marriage, then minutes later told me he had done it because as far as he was concerned the marriage was already over and that he was planning on divorcing me a month after baby is born and that he just hasn't done it yet because he didn't want to stress me during pregnancy (completely unaware of the nightmare I'm currently going through after his departure) and because he wants to make sure baby gets his surname.
Then he said he'd be honest and told me he didn't know why he had messaged the escorts but that he had only text and not followed through with anything. He then tried to prove this by sending his bank statement, which led to me seeing the amount he was spending on gaming and him finally admitting he had had a problem but that he had now quit.

I was upset over the escorts and kept asking questions and so he blocked me again 24 days ago and has said he will unblock me when baby is due and then intends to divorce me after baby has arrived.

Is he likely to file for divorce? I know he's made threats before but they have been short lived whereas he seems to be sticking by this idea this time. I love him so much and know he is suffering, I have read a lot about BPD and know how I need to approach things in the future instead of taking his behaviours so personal. Has anyone got any advice?

Hi Lubeelu,

And welcome on this board :hug
We are here for you!

Very sorry to hear about your stressful situation.
Relationships with unstable persons are not easy.

First of all: how are you and your baby doing now?
 Do you have family or friends who can support you?

What is your situation now? Please let us now!

Warmly,

Vincenta .

Hi Lubeelu

I'm sorry you're going through this. There are no easy answers. In my experience, he is not likely to file for divorce. Much easier to just make things miserable for you and leave that difficult decision up to you. That's just my gut feeling - could be wrong.

How are you holding up? Can you get some kind of support system in place that doesn't involve him? Do you have others around to help with the baby? He may or may not be around, but it doesn't hurt to plan for him to be absent.

Stay strong.

I've had these exact same behaviours, then excuses happen to me as well. It's so tumultuous. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this in this time. I wish I could offer more, but what else is there to offer but good thoughts. He won't divorce you. He has no idea what he's doing, what he wants, he just needs to try SOMETHING, and that something is making all these rash, horrible decisions. He even knows, somewhere deep down, that these decisions are wrong. But he doesn't know how to stop it. He has no idea how to stop and say I need help, because that would mean he doesn't have any control anymore. He's simultaneously in control and out of control right now. It's a very strange way to be alive, but he's there. I'm so sorry you're all going through this.