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Title: Leaving it Post by: Roseville on June 20, 2021, 03:06:12 PM My biggest headache is my BPD (diagnosed) partner thinking I am mad at him when I am not. No matter how many times I tell him that I am not, he thinks I am mad at him or judging him or thinking bad things about him. I reassure him constantly.
My role in this nightmare, which I need to work on, is that when he gets mad at me for thinking I am mad at him (which I am not), I get frustrated and try to clear up the miscommunication and reassure him he has misunderstood and he just won't hear me or believe me. He goes into a manic meltdown and starts telling me horrible things about how miserable I make him, etc. I feel like if I just left it alone and let him assume I was mad at him then he would be less mad and not go into meltdown mode. It's hard because I want to tell him that I am not upset with him but then it turns into a meltdown that can last for days. The flip side is that if he believes I am mad at him and I don't clarify that I am not in that moment it's like he collects all these moments to have a blowup on another day. What should I do? Be misunderstood and let it go? I can if that is the best thing... Help :( Title: Re: Leaving it Post by: Roseville on June 20, 2021, 03:10:12 PM Also after he has a manic episode is it best or me to approach him to try to settle things or should I wait until he calms down and him to approach me. I guess my problem is that I don't want these things to extend to days and days and am eager to bring resolution quickly because otherwise its so draining...
Title: Re: Leaving it Post by: Rev on June 20, 2021, 03:17:27 PM Also after he has a manic episode is it best or me to approach him to try to settle things or should I wait until he calms down and him to approach me. I guess my problem is that I don't want these things to extend to days and days and am eager to bring resolution quickly because otherwise its so draining... Hi Roseville, Welcome. You've come to really good place and you're on the bettering board, which means, well you're looking to make things better. What that really means is that even more than other places here, things are really in the "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" category. Would it be okay if I asked a few questions for some clarity? 1) How long have you two been together? 2) Do you have children? 3) What if you knew that things were manageable and you would be contented enough to feel that you could sustain your part of the relationship, how would you know? 4) What is one thing that you'd like to add to this relationship today? 5) What are three things about yourself that you really like that you are not willing to sacrifice of have taken for granted. The first two questions clarify how much is at stake for you. The next three are really about where you are going to want to put down your boundaries. One thing is for sure, if your partner has BPD, then firm boundaries are an absolute must. I really hope that helps a little. Peace , Rev |