|
Title: Financial Issues Post by: DesperateMom61 on June 21, 2021, 09:45:55 AM :help: My Adult daughter who is 41 years old is bleeding me dry. If it were only her I would probably find it a lot easier not to cave every time she comes up with a reason she needs money. She is on SSDI but that basically pays her rent and then I have to pay the difference. She also receives food stamps but it constantly changes because they forget to report when her significant other gets a a job for a week then it goes down and doesn't go right back up after he stops working again. She has two small children 4 and 5. She constantly lies to me. She is not in therapy and refuses because when she was younger and I made her go she said it didn't help her and all the medicine did was make her gain weight and it didn't help either. She insists there is nothing wrong with her, but she has been diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar depression. She expects me to fix every problem in her life and then complains that I don't treat her like an adult. I have read Stop Walking on Eggshells and other books and I can go for a long period of time and not cave every time she needs something, but lately it has gotten harder because of the grandchildren. She uses them to get to me. It also saddens me that she doesn't keep up on their well care visits, they never had any vaccinations and I don't think she keeps up on their hygiene either, i.e. clean clothes, bathing on a regular basis, teeth, etc. She can barely take care of herself, let alone her children and I think her significant other as also grown accustom to using me, which I am allowing and need to learn how to stop. Please help me to start living my own life, I am close to retirement and want to move out of State but I am worried what will happen to my grandchildren.
Title: Re: Financial Issues Post by: formflier on June 21, 2021, 04:25:20 PM *welcome* I can tell you are really worried about this situation. How long have you been providing support? Who determines how much support you provide? How often do you get to spend time with your grandchildren? I'll check back soon to learn your answers. I'm positive we can help you sort through all of this. Best, FF Title: Re: Financial Issues Post by: Sancho on June 23, 2021, 05:01:10 AM I walk a very similar journey. I understand how difficult it is when children are involved. One thing that could make a difference is that they are getting close to school age. At the very least this means that other people - the teachers, school principal etc - will be involved in the children's lives. They can report neglect etc.
How long will it be until the younger one is at school? Different places have different ages for compulsory start. I handed over lots of $$ - small bits at a time - when DD was living with a partner/drug user. But the child was with me most of that time, so in a way it was the price I paid to keep the child safe and well. Since DD has returned home - about a year now - it has been a big adjustment. I have reduced my work hours and have tried to start limiting the $$. I provide everything else - food, pay the house bills etc. She still asks for $ when she goes to stay with 'mates'. At one point I told her I could afford $x and no more. This has reduced the amount she asks for. I know some people do just stop paying. Personally I think each situation is different and sometimes it will be okay, other times not so good. If you sat down with pen and paper and looked at your budget. What do the figures show? Can you offer support in another way? Does your DD live close enough for you to deliver groceries each week for example? I hope you can keep posting and perhaps just putting things down on paper will help you find a way forward in this very difficult situation. |