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My ex BPD gf and I dated for 1 1/2 years. It was brutal I tell you. From the beginning it was all lies, deception and coercion. She still had her ex in the picture and I had to tell her not to have contact with him. She eventually did but I almost had to beg.
I walked out in her repeatedly throughout the relationship. From the beginning and throughout she’s addicted to crack cocaine and was in debt. I saw a message one time early in the relationship she left her mother which read about my income. Because she was in huge financial debt and was gonna lose her house. She started to persuade me to buy into her home for a percentage and when it sells I could make my money back plus plus. Anyways, as time went on the relationship grew more and more untrustworthy on her part. I found she was still in contact with her ex and others. I kept walking out on her because I could not trust her. She would lie constantly. She never worked and always got fake doctors notes to cover. Eventually the last 6 months became toxic. She started having regular communication with her ex and even began to see him sexually behind my back which I found out later but she would deny it all. They were using Whatapp , instant messenger, Vibe etc etc. It was also so so violent that I couldn’t take it! When I tried to leave her place she’d attack me violently. At times choke me , kick me , use a dust pan or whatever. She was trying to soak me financially at the end too. We got into several fights and at the end the cops came and she turned the story around that I hit her which wasn’t true and now I have an assault charge plus others where she’s saying I did other assaults too. But that’s not the case . And I’m being truthful. Also my professional college knows of this (my regulator) . I know for a fact she was planning my demise the last 6 months. She did say near the end she felt I used her only for sex, place to stay and eat. But honestly, all I ever wanted was for her to be honest, respectful and communicate her feelings and take responsibility and not use me. She was so needy too and impulsive and explode when angry and self centred in a huge way. Nevertheless, her mom, friend and the ex all were in on it to “ PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) me over” at the end and so far so good. She wanted revenge for something she couldn’t see or take responsibility for. I was a fool for always going back to her. She also talked about selling her home and moving closer to her mother’s. I just found out that her house sold June 1/21. We broke up March 30/21. Since March 30/21 she’s opened a FB account in my name and it’s still on . Why? And she’s tried to contact a few of my friends pretending to be me with a change d number. That was on Easter. She called my work 2 weeks ago only to pretend using a fake code name we used to get me to pick up. That was June 7/21. I’ve went no contact since March 30. And I don’t use social media. I need your help folks. I know she s painted me black the last 6 months. But I couldn’t get through to her. She’s was convinced I believe it was all my fault. My first question is. She went back to her old bf of 5 years. He did love her and wanted the best for her. I still to this day never really understood why the separated because when I would ask her I knew I got bullPLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) answers. He’s the one who came back to her behind my back. Will they work out this second time around? Second question is, will she soften her heart and realize the damage she’s done to me and my career. Did I mention she sold her house June 1/21, it was listed May 17/21. Just one and a half months post break up. I know she would have hard time paying the bills and she had to go back to work from her long term disability she cut short. I feel they got a home together. Third question, I’ve heard they’ll call there ex or come back, I don’t want her to EVER contact me . She did have her old  exes I discovered on her phone when we were together. She was so vindictive and revengeful to me that I’m shocked still. I have no one to blame but me. I’m a PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)n fool. I saw the writing on the wall and didn’t stay away permanently.  Need your help guys. Oh, btw, she loved her ex who she’s with now.

Hi Very Hurt,

I'm not sure how much I can help you. All I can say is that, my ex called 911 on me my last day at the house, for different reasons and it caused me a lot of trouble. My situation is much different, though because we have a child together. The only substance my exGFwBPD abuses is weed. She barely even drinks.

As far as no contact goes, it's mostly on you to remain strong.

I've been reading a book suggested on this site called, "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcist and How to End the Drama and Get on With Life." Some of the things you described would fall into a textbook caretaker role. For example, it sounds like you were trying to help her financially so she wouldn't loser her house. I suggest you read this book so that you can better define boundaries.

You might want to contact Facebook abuse, and notify them about the fake account. They should be able to shut that account down for you.

When she tries to contact you, just don't respond. That's what you'll have to do. If it gets out of hand, maybe work with your attorney to file a restraining order.

Very hurt, (good name)

I can’t relate to your situation as mine was very different. It sounds like you remained strong throughout your time together. Most of the time they leave you. At the end it was monthly.

What I can relate to is your exbp, trying to get in touch with you after NC, because most likely she will.

I went NC for two months, last November and December. He was getting help and talked me into trying it again, telling me how well he was doing, regulating his emotions. That lasted less than two months and I have had NC for almost four months now. About two weeks ago, I get a phone call and didn’t answer it. Two days later another one and then I blocked him, which also blocks texts. He figured out that I blocked him, so he turned to email. He sent three and I deleted them all. I never really paid attention to this in the past, but when an email goes into your inbox, you can read the first few lines. One pleaded with me to read and answer. He said that he was a wreck. The other one said that his anger was gone and please read this. Then he said I hope someday you read this. People have asked me, “weren’t you curious about what he had to  say?” During the first two weeks, I wanted an apology, for closure, but as time passed, there is nothing he could say, to make our ending ok. If I read them, I would be a wreck and better him, than me. I told him when we got back together, if he got ugly, there would be no amount of sorries to make it better and there isn’t! I haven’t heard from him for a week now and I have no plans to respond. I am not on social media, so he can’t do anything there.
 
That’s my story. Be prepared, she most likely will be back and knows all the right things to say. If you respond then she will take that as you still care. Cover your bases and give all who are concerned, a heads up. Most likely anyone who has been around her for any length of time, knows something is going on with her. Hopefully her ex will keep her busy and she stays away from you.

Best of luck!

B536

Thanks for your input guys. I love it. Well here an update. Yesterday at work I was told I have a call on line 2. It was a “Joanne “! That was our code name used in stead of her real name. It was her! I told the receptionist I wasn’t in the office. Joanna said “we’ll I called 10 days ago and I left a message and he’s not in today either. The receptionist asked to leave her number or message. Joanne said no that’s ok, but I have a message for ……. (Me). Then Joanne also said “well looks like I keep missing him at work, I’ll call another day.”. But the receptionist felt Joanne seemed to maybe not believe it. Regardless, when I left work, and went up the road, I Iooked across the street and I swear I saw her parked in the parking lot. Same car, Same model etc etc. But I’m not % sure though but it may of have been her. Regardless guy’s, what can I expect moving forward from her? She sold her townhome remember recently and I may not see her around. But her work place is only 15-20 minutes away. She’s already destroyed my life so what’s her purpose of calling me? What more bad news could she probably have for me? I don’t get it!

She has her man , new home etc etc. Why not just move forward and that’s it. What does she want from me? I was told she may stalk me regardless of her man in the picture or not?

What can I expect moving forward guys and how shall I protect myself and what to do not do.

Ty guys
Very hurt

Hi very hurt

 might not be her car but same model and blue colour.

How has your mood been since the breakup? It sounds like she has the guy but he's not a new guy. Have you read the topic here on triangulation it sounds relevant https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0

Hi, your right, it may have been same make n model and may not have been her. My mood has been full of anxiety, hurt, downcast and angry. As I know it was all pre planned last 6 months to get retribution/ revenge on me. With her friend, mother and her bf included.

As for the guy, it was an ex bf who she dated x 5 years. I knew she still had feelings and emotions for him throughout our toxic tenure. And he was always kept on the back burner but she would lie , manipulate and deny it to me. Trust me , i know.

As for the triangulation I do agree it was in play. For sure. She did it intentionally and she never never has been a person to communicate her feelings and emotions to me or anyone for that matter. I never ever trusted her and she never respected my wishes or concerns while we were together.

So here it goes guys;

Why does she still call me? First was June 7/21 and second time June 21/21. And she may call again. I can’t communicate with her as my court order prohibits me to do this . And she is aware of this too.

What could she possibly have to say to
Me? Hasn’t there been enough damage done/created by her. My future is in limbo and she knows this. I was told no
Matter what don’t pick up the phone at work as she might try to get you in trouble. But another person said hear her out and if you is suspect anything unusual tell her you can’t have communication with her then hang up. Another person said if she calls for them to tell her you resigned.

And lastly, will she and her ex of 5 years,  ow back together and getting a new home, last? Work out? I know I shouldn’t care and focus on myself. Each day is a struggle but slowly getting better.

Need your input guys.

Ty

Very hurt

Very Hurt

Thats good, take each day there is no rushing through this. Have you got a physician for help with the anxiety? I found during the first 4 weeks a huge positive improvement with anti - anxiety medication.

Court order says no contact, you sound like a guy who does not want more trouble, seems a no-brainer to keep going no contact, regardless of curiosity. With BPD often is the case that the emotions are rapid changing. There is no way of knowing by the time I finish writing this message to you, your ex emotional state can have shifted upside down from what it was. It is known as black and white thinking and it happens instantly.

Get as much rest as possible, sleep, time off work. avoid emotionally distressing situations (not only regards to ex, but elsewhere too). this is the start of healing time to keep your head fresh to make decisions without being pressurised. Youll get there, well done so far!

Crom

Ty again for input. I’m gonna tell receptionist at my work that I resigned when exBPD calls. Actually it was the receptionists idea. I gotta maintain NC+++. Its a must.
Who knows what she wants to tell me (specific message) only for me. As I’ve previously said, she sold her house June 1/21, we separated March 30/21. She’s probably moving in with her ex. But who cares. I’m just pissed as I’ve said before, that she did all this pre planning behind my back. Plotting her retribution/revenge with help from her bf, girlfriend and mother.
We had NC for 1 1/2 months. So far you guys have been right, she would attempt to contact me and she has now x 2 or 3 times. However, she’s moved on with her bf (the one she cheated on me with) and went back to. What does she have to say and want from me? She’s trying to contact me so what if her bf were to find out? Would he not be pissed? And what else can I expect moving forward from her? I’m trying to move forward but it’s hard! I’m still resentful and hurt !

Ty
Very hurt

Hi Hurt,

My situation was very similar. My ex was, and still is, predatory.  I had my lawyer send a cease and desist to her. Full stop. It took another year or so for her to stop smearing me but eventually that stopped.  At least she stopped contacting me in the interim.

 One thing that is characteristic of psychological abuse, is that while there are no "marks" to find, so to speak, the abused person is left feeling picked apart.  This is particularly true for men, because there is very little out there in terms of role models to offer a frame of reference. It's hard to repair something that you don't recognize.

The best healing for me was to spend as much time as possible with friends to just get back to being me again.  It took a while, but here I am now, feeling much better.  

Hang in there. It may not feel like it, but it does get better. A cease and desist may not be the way you choose to go - but "no contact" under any and all circumstances is the only way to go.

You got this.

Rev