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Title: He left me Post by: Nomokayw on June 23, 2021, 07:37:07 PM Hello. I have been married 24 years to a man with undiagnosed BPD. It’s been a wild ride to say the least. He has always had 2 personalities and we never knew which one we were getting. But I stayed. I made excuses for him. I loved him. I was isolated. And now that all this time has passed he out of the blue asked for a divorce. He has threatened to leave several times over the years. This time I told him to go. I am so tired of walking on egg shells. Tired of my kids walking on egg shells. Part of me feels relief. The other part feels extreme sadness. He was diagnosed with schematic stroke vascular dementia in 2017. It really made his BPD WORSE over the years. He is in denial and his family is in denial. I guess by coming to this group I am looking for understanding and support
Title: Re: He left me Post by: LetsGetBetter on June 23, 2021, 08:41:29 PM Hi Nomokayw,
Welcome to the group! That's rough after such a long marriage. I'm sure you're feeling a lot of complex things right now, but it sounds like you made the right choice. I'm still with my partner who has BPD but I've seen plenty of people in a similar situation to you on this forum that I am sure can help! Title: Re: He left me Post by: Lucky Jim on June 24, 2021, 09:49:07 AM Hey Nomokayw, Welcome! I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. We get it when it comes to BPD. Sure, there's a lot of denial because most people have no experience with BPD. I suspect his family has seen signs over the years, which they may have ignored. At this point, I suggest you focus on yourself and your needs. Be kind to yourself. Listen to your gut feelings. Living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde can be exhausting, so give yourself a chance to regain your energy.
LuckyJim Title: Re: He left me Post by: IntoTheWind on June 24, 2021, 10:06:19 AM Hello. I have been married 24 years to a man with undiagnosed BPD. It’s been a wild ride to say the least. He has always had 2 personalities and we never knew which one we were getting. But I stayed. I made excuses for him. I loved him. I was isolated. And now that all this time has passed he out of the blue asked for a divorce. He has threatened to leave several times over the years. This time I told him to go. I am so tired of walking on egg shells. Tired of my kids walking on egg shells. Part of me feels relief. The other part feels extreme sadness. He was diagnosed with schematic stroke vascular dementia in 2017. It really made his BPD WORSE over the years. He is in denial and his family is in denial. I guess by coming to this group I am looking for understanding and support Hey Nomokayw! I hear you, and understand the pain you're experiencing right now, I understand the isolation. You're definitely deep in the dysfunctional swamp at the moment after 24 years of this. The pain you're experiencing is all part of a large cycle, and that cycle will come full circle, he probably will be back, but only if you let him - it will be hard to say no. You're at a critical juncture. You seem to know where it's going, how likely is it that he'll face the issues related to his BPD and work on them to increase the health of the relationship? What do you want out of this moving forward? |