BPDFamily.com

Me and my bf have been together for 2 1/2 years. It was only recently that he was diagnosed with bpd so all of his previous actions made sense. We broke up and made up several times. I noticed a pattern, he gets in a "mood" in the middle of the month. One minute we're great then the next he doubts our relationship. The other day, we planned a date to go out to dinner then the movies. We haven't been on a date in a while due to me being in school full time and working part time and him watching his siblings (their dad passed away in May.) We finally had free time to have one on one time, no kids, no work and no homework. We were so excited. We got ready and felt attractive and sent each other selfies. Right after I finished getting ready I get a call saying "my mom said to cancel my plans, I have to watch the kids." Naturally I got really disappointed and sad (no his fault of course. I still went over to his house because he asked me to. I noticed he was irritated which was understandable. The first part of the day we were lovey dovey then once our plans got ruined he switched up on me and didn't want me around. When he gets like this he starts doubting himself and the relationship. There's no reasoning to break up. It comes out of no where. I understand his impulsiveness may be a symptom of his bpd. I'm getting discouraged. I've dealt with his patterns for so long. I absolutely love this man and want to spend my life with him. It gets hard when he pushes me away and doubts. I'm giving him space to calm his thoughts and really think about his decision. Before, I'd just give up and we'd break up. Now that I understand his patterns, I just give him space and wait until he "goes back to normal."
I sometimes doubt, is this really the end or is this just an episode? Do I really want to deal with this my whole life? Then the opposite I think "I love him so much and am willing to separate his illness from his actual self."

Hi and welcome :hi: It's a very personal decision that only you can make. Nice job giving him some time to think to himself. If he has BPD, the emotional dysregulation may continue. There are ways to help turn down the volume but it will likely still exist to some degree. Be gentle with both him and yourself. I hope things get better soon.