BPDFamily.com

As the title says my close friend with BPD is ghosting me and leaving me on read. I dont know if she is splitting with me or not. I just have no idea and am left in the dark. Ive been trying to learn as much as i can about bpd to understand her. My own abandonment issues and depression hsve kicked in and I keep feeling guilty and that its my fault. Last time she did this it went on for six months and it destroyed me. This time due to learning moee about it, Im not as bad but its frustrating and upsetting. Im trying really hard...I just need some advice on what to do, I dont want to lose her.

Can you tell us what happened last time?

It's normal to feel overwhelmed and scared. I'm so glad you learned about BPD. It sounds like it's helping you understand some of what's happening and that's great.

Take good care of yourself while you're navigating these intense feelings. Sleep, eat something nutritious and get 10 minutes of sun each day. You're going to be ok, and so will your friend. Big hugs.

She just vanished last time and would occasionaly pop in and out briefly. Leaving me on read and with no real clue on what was happening or why. I still dont really know what happened but from What I can gather and have pieced together it was a combination of splitting as well as other life events that happened for her and possibly some trauma. Sorry for the late reply. It seems like its happening again and Im trying to stay as stable as i can and learn more about bpd and how to care for myself and her.

Working towards your own stability is the best place you can invest your energy right now. We're no help to BPD loved ones when we're unstable or suffering. Find things that bring you joy and take of yourself.

I agree with P Joy. It is distressing for a friend to "flake out", BPD or not.  If at all possible, try not to take this too personally.  As PJ suggested the way to do this is to focus some self care onto yourself.  It is so easy for us to go down the rabbit hole and stay there over a BPD person's actions and statements.  Allow this distance to happen and use it to your benefit- journal your feelings.   I may even suggest going to a 12 step family program such as CO dependents Anonymous, which helps us on self care when others disappear/ act up/ act out.  These meetings are free, online and offered at different times.  You have no earthly idea of how your friend is thinking , feeling, but I am most positive is has nothing to do with you , and more to do with her coping skills or lack thereof.

Thanks everyone, this has been very helpful in keeping the self blame at bay. Ill keep reading thr books I have on how to love someone with bpd and try to ground myself and heal myself as well