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It’s been months since I separated from my BPd ex and I’m beginning to breathe and realize how much of our relationship WAS NOT NORMAL.

this incident sticks out the most to me.

My grandmother died in 2019. She raised me. We were best friends. Her death devastated me. Last year, I was caught in a moment of grief, sitting on the couch having a moment and some tears because I was missing her.

My BPD ex wife sits next to me. I think she’s going to hold my hand and sit with me. Instead she gets this weird far off look in her eye and says, “she’s here. I’m feeling this white light and warm energy. Both your grandparents are here. They want me to give you a message.”

I just stared at her. “Please don’t say that,” I said. “That hurts me.” 

Then my ex bursts into tears. “Your so suspicious,” she says, “why on war the would j lie about this? How could you suspect that of me? You are so cruel.” And she runs upstairs in tears and suddenly I’m following her to apologize to HER.

Anyway because I was isolated I believed her when she blamed and guilted me and said I was unkind for being skeptical of her “gift.” She convinced two of our friends of her “psychic gifts” and all 3 of them referred to the incident as “one of the worst things” I’d ever done to my wife because I didn’t believe her when she was “scared and discovering her gifts.”

And when my dad died in November 2020, one of these “friends” tried to convince me she’d predicted his death in a dream the night before. And suddenly we’re talking about her “psychic gift” twenty minutes after my mom called to tell me he’d passed.

I was never given space for my grief. It was stolen from me. My BPD EX pretended to channel my grandma on countless occasions.

Here’s the kicker. I believed this stuff. How brainwashed was I? I was so conditioned to feel guilty for not believing it that I never even thought to tell my family or friends. When the relationship ended and I told people, they were all speechless and told me pretending to channel someone’s dead family members is one of the most disrespectful cruel things you can do.

Thanks for listening. I needed to vent. I still can’t believe I let people like this make me question my sanity like this.

That sounds so painful and oblivious to your needs and grief.

My ex tends to engage in "magical thinking." I'm not excusing how that hurt you, but when people commit a part of their identities as how they cope with and understand the world, they might not be able to empathize with how others think and feel. Do you think that she meant to harm you, or did she maybe harm you by being oblivious to your feelings and your world view?

These examples aren't on the same level as yours, yet:

My BPD mother: "everyone needs to go through counseling." (All 8 billion of us, really?)

My uBPDx gifted me a self help book one Christmas. It was faux leather bound like a Bible. I regifted it.  She meant well, but give me a break.

Both were likely Projection... and oblivious to the Real Me.