BPDFamily.com

As I'm cycling through the phases of mourning, the past days there is a lot of anger... Quicker than I would have expected. I read a lot of ex-partners here saying "I still love him or her, and always will". Last week I was still thinking the same thing, but since yesterday, there is a lot of anger.

All I can think of her at this moment is "what a disgusting, heartless, shallow, selfish *insert swear word here*". It make things a little easier, to be honest. And if she would charm me today I would be in a very vindictive mindset, to be honest...

Don't know why I'm posting this, but I needed to get it off my chest. Unfortunately the anger is so intense that I can't focus on my job... I hope to get to indifference and forgetting about her as soon as possible...

Hey TVDA.

Nothing wrong with anger. Just notice that under that anger is a lot of pain. I used to have anger fits and then end up crying when I realised it was all due to hurt.

Tvda, anger is part of the grieving process. You should feel it all and let it fuel you in positive way. Let it motivate you to be a better you. We are the only ones we can change. We can't change someone else. Let the anger out, not at your ex or anyone else for that matter. Always take the high road. You self value is what is important not wasting your time or energy on someone that didn't respect you for whatever reason. Write letters to them that you never send, journal. Get it out so you don't hold onto it. Also know that it will come and go, but will subside over time. Indifference it the thing to strive for. It is okay to acknowledge the good times you had, but very important to remember the bad times as well. We will all get through this, we have no other choice.

Thanks for the replies... I can't say I can acknowledge the good times we had, to be honest. They feel fake, like an illusion that didn't amount to anything real. The bad times however seem to be the moments when her mask dropped and I got to see the real her. And the life path chosen by her for the both of us, the real life path, is definitely all defined by who she was during the bad times. So once again, I can't really acknowledge the good times... because it doesn't feel like they were real - more like they were just created by her to fulfill her needs. I had nothing to do with it. As evidence by the fact that she's now just repeating the act, just with another man. And his identity probably doesn't factor into things either...

Grumpydonut, I don't doubt that there is lot of pain underneath the anger... You are right about that... I'm scared of the moments the pain comes through and am probably blocking it intentionally somehow...

Honestly, best advice I can give is to find a dark room and sit in silence.

Just watch your thoughts and allow yourself to feel your feelings.

It sounds useless. It's not.

Thanks Grumpydonut.

It doesn't sound useless. I think it will be necessary for me, to process my hurt, instead of burying it...

Hey there ,

To echo Grumpy ... anger serves a purpose. It gives you the power to face the hurt and it will serve as a memory that will help you in the future.

Without anger, there would be no positive change. Let the feelings come, let them subside, and then when it's calmer, let them speak to you.

I went through this same cycle. 

Hang in there. You're doing great.

Rev