BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

I recently filed for divorce from my wife (suspected pwBP traits) of 18 years (we started dating 25 years ago).  I have moved out of the house into my own apartment and while I generally am feeling a sense of relief, I am also having many moments of getting teary thinking about random moments in our time together, as well as grieving the loss of our relationship.

Just curious how others have dealt with this, and any suggestions for handling these memories when they come up.

In some ways, I feel like I'm grieving the death of a person who has been gone for a long time, but I didn't realize it as they still look the same and have the same voice as that other person.  I find myself questioning my judgement, wondering how I didn't see the warning signs earlier on, being hard on myself for not taking action sooner, and wondering to what extent she loved me.  I also sometimes have moments of sadness thinking that there's a part of her that might also be grieving/hurt or feeling betrayed.

I have a therapist appointment on Friday and hope to see this person regularly especially while going through the divorce process.  Rationally, I strongly believe I am making the right decisions for myself and my daughters (even if they are angry with me now).

Thanks for listening.

I’m just starting my journey.  I tried this once before.  I moved out and she begged to come back, claimed to have taken responsibility, got therapy, took meds for a while.  It was noticeably better…but slowly and surely things eroded.  She stopped the meds and the therapy.  The rage episodes started increasing.   The more exhausted and depressed i get, the more she yells and says I’m boring, i dont do enough around the hous (she doesnt work) and i dont give her enough attention. 

I’m afraid of all the mixed feelings i have, the certainty of her rage and/or victim hood, manipulating my adult children, and then begging me not to divorce her.  But I’ve tried everything and I’m miserable

My plan is to leverage the message boards,  check out the subreddit Divorce_Men.  I have my support set up with my brother, sister, parents, and my therapist.  I’m not religious but i may pray.