BPDFamily.com

My SO may have BDP or is depressed; either way I need help. 

Background:  My SO's mother, brother, grandmother, great-grandmother are suspected to have BDP by SO's immediate family and SO .  His mother and brother do not speak to the family.  SO's adult child was properly diagnosed with BPD over two years ago.  SO's child receives therapy and meds but stresses my SO as has the pandemic and SO's health.  SO's is obese and has many of obesity's associated problems including poor sleep.

Four weeks ago, SO gave me the silent treatment for a record 2 weeks.  I did not participant in this silent treatment.  I ignored it the best I could.  SO was angry at a perceived criticism at SO's adult BPD child.  This did not occur and it's the first time, I didn't cave in.

Now, I think I'm getting the silent treatment because I did not initially agree to purchase of a 3K electronics.  I think my SO has an issue with finances (i.e. huge credit card debit and little retirement savings).  We looked at 2 models one being bigger and more expensive.  I suggested we measure the space to ensure it can fit; hence not purchasing now but waiting a week.  And that was the trigger.  It spiraled into me saying "just get it" and leaving to wait for him outside the store.  Neither of us have spoken.

I think my SO has been slipping into depression for a year if not more.  Prior to the pandemic, SO was pushed out of denial re: obesity.  He now needs to manage diabetes.  A year later SO is still obese.  He works at home.  Hates his job.  After works lays on couch and watches tv.  The only place he'll initiate going to are restaurants or the grocery store.  He doesn't do anything he used to enjoy; even though I try to encourage it.

I'm so angry at his negativity and childish behavior.  I'm angry that's he doesn't take responsibility for his physical and mental health.  SO is on a waitlist for therapy at an obesity center.

I have anxiety.  I take medication.  I have been in therapy in the past.  I'm currently self-medicating with weed; it's legal in my state.  My doctors and therapist know I smoke weed.  My SO hates it.  I'm exercising more, eating better, losing weight, socializing with family and friends; but I'm not happy around my SO.

I need help ending this silent treatment and telling my husband to get help.  I not going to tell him he's BPD.  I'm not sure if he truly is.  I need help for myself.  My therapist uses CBT.  I think I've taking CBT as far as I can and I'm interested in learning strategies to deal with a BPD and not have it trigger me.  I'm currently going through "Walking on Eggshells".  I can't say it's an enjoyable read because I can identify with a lot.

First of all, check out the Tools section at the top of this page.

So he’s not doing things to support his health, while you’ve taken steps to get healthier. There’s not much you can do to *end* his silent treatment. That is a form of aggression and up to him as to when it no longer serves him.

You are wise to socialize with family and friends, exercise and eat better. You can be a role model for him if he chooses to see that. In the meantime, keep up the good work.  |iiii