BPDFamily.com

I am #2 of 4 children. I believe my older sister to be uBPD.

She has 3 kids and I have 2.  Hers 25, 23 and 21.  Mine 20 and 18.

I went no contact about 8 years ago, when it became clear I could no longer protect my children from her dysfunction which I had always just seen as sort of normal.

It was awful and heart rending because it meant losing touch with my nieces and nephew, but I had to come to terms with there not always being a right solution to life's problems. 

She was beginning to insist on having my children over night and pushing past the excuses I made for years.  I refused because her need to be the cool Aunt and go against anything I said. Her need to always prove she was better than me and her complete willingness to lie to me made it impossible.  So, she told my children she wasn't allowed to see them.  She parked in front of my home and when my 8 year old ran out she told him she wasn't supposed to talk to him and he would get in trouble.  He came in in tears asking me why.  This was the last straw. I refused to repair contact after that. 

It has been 8 years. She cut off my mother and younger sister also. Because I poisened them against her.  She has had some contact with youngest brother though.

Now youngest brother has had his first child.  We were invited to the same party and I feel like hell has begun again.

welcome, bonfireheart. Thanks for sharing some of your story with us. All of us here can relate to complicated relationships with family members due to BPD. It's so hard, but I hope you know you're in safe company.

When is the party? Is it likely that all of you are attending?

Yes. I encouraged my new SIL to not make her life more complicated. I have found myself saying since this went down with my uBPD sis, "Reality is less believable than her lies."

Unfortunately, I feel like she presents better than me because I try NOT to bring up bullPLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) and just try to be polite.  She tells lies and acts so (what appears to be genuine) and my silence and discomfort appears to be nasty.

It is likely that some people will believe her, at least at the beginning. There's not really a neat and tidy way to handle these scenarios. I've found the approach you're taking to be the most effective in the long run. In my experience, trying to get people on your side and convince them that you're right can backfire sometimes.

So you'll see her at the party? How do you feel about that?