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Its been a rather uneventful few days, sorta and thankfully. Two nights ago I came home late and sat and spoke with her. She was very receptive and agreeable. Admitted that the paranoia was just that. Almost embarrassed about the things she said and ways she acted. The abortion is never mentioned however she does acknowledge and appreciates that I gave her space though a bit bitter I wasn’t there through the abortion though admits that she basically said this was her journey alone. So…the conversation made it so I could be home peacefully. She agreed no more provoking fights via text messages and in general. I still spend a lot of time alone. We are both in the house but I have been so emotionally, mentally and physical tired so right to sleep for me. She was up most of the evening. Cleaning and covering the interior of her new car. Picking blackberries. She has multiple people she has been flirting with via text it seems but I try to pay no attention. I’m still sorting through feelings and taking my own space. Having distance between us it seems she then reaches out. However today she seemed angry. She received a call that her credit card had been utilized in a bunch of purchase attempts at some local stores. She asked me if I did it? We are talking big purchases and she thinks I, the guy who loves her, would do anything for her, but on the side I’m going to steal from her? I don’t call her out on it but help her rationalize why it couldn’t have been me for instance a purchase of gas for 80$ when my car tops of at 50$.. when she is done she just hangs up. Seldom a ‘bye bye’just turns cold and that’s it, over it, click…then a few hours later she called to tell me my dog chewed her sock and that they are prescription socks and cannot be replaced. I let her know that most likely
We can find a new pair. Okay, fine, click…it’s amazing how once your eyes are open, the lightbulb moments come and you realize all the signs, red flags, behaviors all were loud and clear and the ones to come I feel more ready for them. I won’t argue, I won’t fight. I answer some calls, some I let miss then return them. She did say that she was glad I was back home and I noticed she bought me something from the store, a favorite food item but also hate my dinner! Lol ..I don’t really mind but there is this air of entitlement, for lack of better words, when it comes to items she wants. She has moved my stuff into areas all together, almost in piles but when asked she denies it saying she was only kidding.I don’t text or call her much though I feel mostly when she writes she is checking in on me but that’s seldom what she says. I don’t really know what she thinks of me currently though she often comes across angry, or ‘pissy’ perhaps? (Sorry) my friends likened her to a bratty teenager when she was asking me about her recent ID theft. She actually asked me to admit to one of the purchases because it would make her happier knowing it was me. I decline and offer to help anyway I can. I stay friendly as possible but continue to maintain boundaries. Again no talk of the abortion at all and sadly it still affects me so much. I wonder sometimes if it is affecting her at all but I imagine it must, how could it not? Does the disorder help to gloss over very traumatic or important situations like the abortion?is it possible she compartmentally swept or is sweeping it under the rug?

Undoubtedly she’s having some emotional response to an abortion. If not psychological, there’s a physiological component to a major shift of hormones which certainly can affect mood.

It’s concerning that she would try to blame you for purchases on a stolen credit card.

It sounds as if she’s being hyperactive, perhaps to numb an emotional response?

I think you may be correct. Turns out the abortion also did not go well and she is having terrible clots. Acting mean-ish.  The credit card thing now is not anything. I’m not even sure that it happened at all.Mainly because the info doesn’t add up. The call about the socks came just a few hours later. This morning out of nowhere I get a text about adopting a puppy? Then it turns out her appt followed and she got the news about the clots. She doesn’t engage in any news I tell her about me..it’s all about ‘her’ I don’t let it bug me but I keep up boundaries. For instance I ask her to sit snd talk to me rather than pace the room and speaking in multiple directions. I ask what I can offer but the response is always something like: ‘well there is this restaraunt can u go there and get me….’ So I clarify and let her no I mean at home, can I get you anything here that may help with the clots. I believe in Chinese medicine and feel that her mental ambivalence to keep or not keep the child is why this is happening. Also sadly she accessed second rate practitioners instead of seeing a Dr. it’s very sad to me but I feel better every day. Seeing things for what they are when they happen. I recognize there is an emotional immaturity? Is that a way to describe it? Like: can’t say I love you even though we were just together weeks ago, loving and working on a family..but after the storm can’t say it. I do however, from time to time but don’t box her in with it. We all have our own lessons, paths and timing I suppose. Well she just got home and now she is being friendly…often a rollercoaster. Back to ‘hyperactive’: big cleaning sprees constantly last few days..that type of thing makes me think ‘hyperactive mind’ but idk as much as I am learning here so can’t say for sure. I do see the mood swings and not 24 hours will pass and I don’t get some sort of call or message from her. I stay available but cautious? Idk..I’m a bit weary of her so I guess cautious is best.. one last thing I notice: she makes suggestions like: can u call my phone? But right away she follows with ‘but it’s probably on silent so’ or ‘can you go to this restaurant? But they are probably closed so’..anyway: an observation.Thanks for all your insight and for welcoming me here.