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Title: Husband with NPD, possible BPD, undiagnosed Post by: Bolognaispoetic on August 02, 2021, 09:32:01 PM I left home with our child a month ago. I left because after 16 years of married bliss he suddenly became a different person. Over the last year He became emotionally, verbally and financially abusive. I didn't realize what was going on at the time. It took me a couple weeks of research and talking to several therapists to realize he has NPD. And he fits it to a T. Now I know that in his mind I've abandoned him. He won't talk to me and just saw our 7 year old for the first time yesterday. He is furious at me because i called him out on his behavior and insisted he get help. Now i know that i humiliated him. So many things I wish I knew before leaving but I still know that it was the best thing. I warned him a month prior that if the abuse didn't stop I would leave because I would not let our child see it anymore. Since leaving he has been behaving completely irrationally, even dangerously. I'm considering going home so he stops hating me for abandoning him. Plus, he would have to talk to me. There are pros and cons of course. But I would love advice from people who have been through this. Thank you!
Title: Re: Husband with NPD, possible BPD, undiagnosed Post by: GaGrl on August 02, 2021, 10:05:31 PM I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It is a difficult place to be, and yes, there are members on this forum who can help and support you.
In thinking about going back for the reasons you present -- what change do you expect to see? Are you currently seeing a therapist, and if so, what does he/she say? Do you have a lawyer, and have you started any legal proceedings? Title: Re: Husband with NPD, possible BPD, undiagnosed Post by: Bolognaispoetic on August 02, 2021, 10:36:55 PM I left home with our child a month ago. I left because after 16 years of married bliss he suddenly became a different person. Over the last year He became emotionally, verbally and financially abusive. I didn't realize what was going on at the time. It took me a couple weeks of research and talking to several therapists to realize he has NPD. And he fits it to a T. Now I know that in his mind I've abandoned him. He won't talk to me and just saw our 7 year old for the first time yesterday. He is furious at me because i called him out on his behavior and insisted he get help. Now i know that i humiliated him. So many things I wish I knew before leaving but I still know that it was the best thing. I warned him a month prior that if the abuse didn't stop I would leave because I would not let our child see it anymore. Since leaving he has been behaving completely irrationally, even dangerously. I'm considering going home so he stops hating me for abandoning him. Plus, he would have to talk to me. There are pros and cons of course. But I would love advice from people who have been through this. Thank you! .I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. It is a difficult place to be, and yes, there are members on this forum who can help and support you. In thinking about going back for the reasons you present -- what change do you expect to see? Are you currently seeing a therapist, and if so, what does he/she say? Do you have a lawyer, and have you started any legal proceedings? Honestly i am just hoping he will talk to me after I "un-abandon" him. Maybe a part of me is still stuck on trying to convince him to get help. I wouldn't push it anymore by any means...I don't know. I have my first appointment with a therapist Wed. I've spoken with several that didn't think they could give me the best advice in this situation, no experience dealing with NPD. I have very little money but do have an EAP through work to pay for 6 sessions but the choices in therapists are pretty limited. I have not started any legal proceedings and neither has he. I have no desire to divorce him at all. Even though this last year was rough and he seems to be a different person...I still love him very much. I dont want to just throw away 17 years when he hasn't actually said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. |