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Title: My bpd gf hates my mother Post by: Anonymous2200 on August 04, 2021, 03:02:03 AM Hey
I am a single child to a single mother My gf and my mom had a really good realationship, until my gf heard my mother talks badly about her behind her back. Since then my gf was really angry about everything concerned my mother and me. The feelings didn't end for some months until we went to psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with BPD. We live together. Every time I visit my mom, talk with her on the phone, helping her with somethin, and even saying the phrase "my mom", my gf starts to get upset, and then angry for no reason, asks me to not help my mother, and that she should get a life, sometimes cursing her, and we fight until she calms down, says she is sorry and telling it won't happen again, that shes not hate my mom. This is a really tough situation for me, other things we fight over are about me but in this case it's about my mom too, I don't know what to do, I won't cut connection with my mother but my gf won't stop fighting me about this topic, it can be day after day. I want to ask advice on how to handle it better, I love my gf and I love my mom and I want everything to be good in our relationship. Title: Re: My bpd gf hates my mother Post by: Jabiru on August 04, 2021, 05:50:04 PM Hi and welcome :hi: It sounds like you're uncomfortable with how your girlfriend talks about your mother. What do you think of setting a limit? If the conversation gets too uncomfortable for you, let your girlfriend know you'd like to change the topic or take a break. If she continues, simply excuse yourself from the room saying you need some alone time. It may be uncomfortable in the moment but in the long term it should be good for both you and your relationships. Whatever limits you create to protect yourself, it's important to be consistent with them or else it will send the wrong message and the pattern will continue.
My wife with BPD and I have a similar rule where we don't talk negatively about each other's family. What do you think? Title: Re: My bpd gf hates my mother Post by: Lifehasitsups on August 14, 2021, 10:37:50 PM This is so very hard. I am in the same situation. My wife accuses my sister and mother of being bullies and hating my wife. Through therapy I have learned to not take it personal and to stop defending my family. I used to try to talk through issues and try to explain their point of view but then I am accused of not believing my wife. It’s been a nightmare. I have taken to using some strategies from “stop walking on eggshells” which I listen to on utube for free. I tell my wife I understand how it would be upsetting to fell that way. When she starts shouting about it I excuse myself and take the kids on a walk. She usually calms down a couple hours later and acts like nothing happened. It’s nuts. My family is wonderful and they do not deserved to be accused of the horrible things she says. Best of luck my friend.
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