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I went off my antidepressants in February to stop numbing myself and actually deal with my past trauma & PTSD. Little did I know that at the same time I was going to be dealing with falling for a pwBPD. Sigh.

I am struggling with my depression worsening since Mr BPD stopped talking to me 2 weeks ago (tomorrow). My therapist says I need to love myself - and I agree with him, its a huge issue I'm dealing with and I'm trying - but knowing that isn't helping in the immediate moment.

Note: I am journaling, taking walks, doing yoga, trying to be compassionate with myself when I lay on the couch watching Netflix with the dogs instead of doing housework... and while I have been doing some meetups to at least be around people, I have no real friends to lean on for support (except once somewhat unempathetic sister).

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here ...words of encouragement?  Advice on surviving?  I know 2 weeks isn't very long and it will get better but right now the struggle is real.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I know these dark places well. Trust me when I say, it does get better.

Two weeks is still very recent. I was distraught for about three or four, then slowly improved, then relapsed at the six week mark, and then steadily got better. I'm now three months out and I wouldn't take my ex back even if hell froze over. With the trauma bond finally broken, I've seen him for who he is. And I don't like that person at all.

Journalling, exercise, self-care... you are already doing so many great things. Kudos to you. I know I wouldn't have had the self-discipline to do yoga or take walks after only two weeks.

Therapy is a really, really good idea. If you can, and you feel the urge to talk to someone, call a hotline. Sounds stupid, but it can really help. I rang one once while I was still together with my ex and the person at the other end of the line told me in no unclear words that I was worthy of love, and that I would be able to find it. I'm not easily moved but this touched me very deeply. It was almost as if something greater, something good had called out to a part of me which I felt I had lost, but which in reality still existed. All from a chat with a stranger. – The people working these hotlines are usually either naturally empathetic or trained to be. It could be a decent makeshift solution until you find someone more permanent to lean on.

What made things worse post-breakup in my case was the complete collapse of my daily routine. So if you can somehow add structure to your life, by all means (though I suspect you already have it, with all your activities and your dogs). I was a complete wreck and only dug myself out of the hole by setting miniature goals: Week 1, stop being late to appointments. Week 2, go to bed before midnight. Week 3, get up before 10AM. Week 4, do light exercise three times a week. Etc. Slowly but surely, the life I'd had before my ex had entered the picture returned. And it turned out it was a good one.

Gratitude journalling helped, too. I use a very simplistic app named Presently but I can see how pen and paper can appeal, too.

And I while I never used to believe in affirmations and visualisation, they've grown on me this time around. After a breakup it's often difficult to imagine an ideal life, because we're still craving the presence of our ex so much that nothing seems worthwhile. I promise this, too, will get better in time. Affirmations can help find the thread of what it is what you want, kind of like a rough sketch. Visualisation is filling in the details and mentally colouring in the picture.

It might not seem this way all day every day, but you've got this. You've survived worse than this.  :hug:

Thanks. I was doing all of this before the split - and I'm not doing as much yoga as I was but I'm still getting some in, so I consider it a win. Its hard, honestly I don't even want to get out of bed most days.


Yep, exactly. My dogs won't let me stay in bed, they need to be fed and let out. Just getting me out of bed in the morning has been their most important function I think. Besides being cute.

I've been trying to remember to do affirmations. I have an app that pops them up 4 times a day. 

Thank you, that means a lot

That’s good advice from Sappho. 
   We all are in your shoes or been there.
 Today is a new day!
Not just another day. Too many “just another day” for forever. 
It’s a new day.
Best wishes.