BPDFamily.com

I have been with my wife for over 10 years.  We have a 9 year old son who was a surprise early in the relationship. I love my family but recently I have been feeling that my commitment is waning.

My coping mechanisms have mostly been about avoidance.  As I have learned more about my wife's disorder, I actually find myself noticing behaviors that were so childish. I used to say that when she was doing well and I was doing well( I have a history of episodic depression) that we were very in love and that was the real "us" and it was worth fighting for.

I have been in counseling now for  3 years and she joined about 1 year ago.
English is not her first language so I have to translate for her in therapy very often. She heard the diagnosis last week. But I don't think it sunk in well.  We had a family talk this evening that I managed to de-escalate a few times but ultimately it ended in her yelling and then crying. She cannot hear any criticism.

As I re-read this it does outline our hard work and there has been progress. I have just been very tired of it lately and taking things personally and not forgiving her. I understand that it's not her fault, but it has worn on me. Sometimes I feel like I don't really know who she is.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for having a place to talk about this.

Welcome.  I'm new here this week, too, and this has been a great resource to get things off my chest and hear from others in similar situations.  So I'm glad you're here and I hope you'll find a little relief as well.

I'm married for 12 years.  The problems have been building for quite a long time in there, but I've done my best to cope and just push forward like this is "normal'.  But I've finally reached a breaking point, too, where I just can't avoid it any more.  This isn't a phase.  This isn't ok. So I've landed here for support. 

I don't have any answers on what to do, but know that you're not alone.  And it's ok to feel the way you feel about this.

Can I ask how long you've been noticing the signs of a problem for her?

Thinking back, it has always been a part of our relationship.  I thought a lot of it was my fault early on. It wasn't until the last few years in therapy that I came to understand that her reactions aren't logical and likely have very little to do with anything I have done or are way out of proportion to a
I raised my voice in surprise the other day because I thought she was going to knock over a propane cannister. Just kind of said be careful. And we even had a little dialog there. But she interpreted my surprise as yelling at her and was telling me to f*** off.

 Her anger comes out as a stream of insults and confrontation. If I don't leave the house when she feels like this she will often follow me around muttering insults or even directly confronting me and calling me names.

Also, if anybody can find good thai language literature on BPD it would help greatly. Thanks