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My ex bpd and mother of child has recently set up another Facebook account and has told me about it and added me as a friend .
Today she posted and picture of herself on her original account and then ❤️ With her other account
Is this usual behaviour or another part of some wierd devious game that I have new clue what it is about

Hey, good to hear from you again. I checked out your post history and wow, you've certainly been through some ups and downs.

So, is making a second FB account and doing different posts on each one "usual behavior"? Well... hard to say.

On the one hand, pwBPD struggle with a sense of self -- a sense of "I am me, and I am always me throughout time and space". I don't really know how to say it better, as I'm pretty sure I don't have the same struggle. From what I've read, though, pwBPD generally look to external sources to try to get an inner sense of stability.

So, it could be a reflection, perhaps subconscious, of her not really having a solid, single identity. Could be flitting back and forth between "versions" of herself.

Telling you about both accounts could be a bid for attention. "I feel empty... pay attention to all this stuff about me and how I feel, so I get external validation".

It is all speculation from me at this point, bear in mind.

On the other hand, as we step back from that question and get a 30000 ft view (as they say), we could ask -- OK, if that is "definitely" why she's doing what she's doing, then what do you do with that information?

She's the mother of your young child (if I'm reading correctly), and you guys are ironing out the wrinkles of coparenting. Does this information change anything in how you interact with her for coparenting purposes? Perhaps if the accounts show your child in danger, then yes.

Otherwise, have you heard the phrase "letting people rent space in your head for free"? It's when we ruminate about disordered people, their actions, their craziness, their... um... unique ways. We're sure giving them a lot of our mental energy. And you have 3 kids to care about.

I wonder what it'd be like if, when you notice yourself going in circles about her newest wackadoodle stuff, you used that as an "alert" to yourself to do some self care, to do something for your kids, to take a walk, to wash some dishes, to listen to good music?

Also, this stood out to me from one of your previous posts:


Would love to hear more about the progress you've made in exploring this!

Kel
Thank you for your reply. Im sure this is for  attention, not necessarily mine, and your def correct that it doesn’t actually make any difference to our co parenting. It was more about whether this is her mental health destabilising more.
We are still quite close. Text, talk, FaceTime every day, mostly about our son.
As to how if feel about still hankering for this relationship, I really don’t know. It’s been 3 years , as you say lots of ups and downs, lots of break ups and lots of other men in her life.( which is very difficult for me )
But yet I am still here, caring , helping , problem solving for her.
Some days I want to be close , some days I want distance. If I don’t message , she always will after a while.
I’m not having councilling at the moment, but I am reading a couple of books about coparenting with borderline.
For me it is early days of a relationship ending , it takes me a good while to process and move on, so her moving on fast is completely alien to me.
I have done a lot of research on here and other places so I understand the borderline disorder quite well and I know her and her patterns very well.
Self care wise I am ok,
I guess I am waiting for the explosion to happen , which it inevitably does

What books have you been reading? I am looking for some suggestions on this topic. However, I don't want to waste my time rehashing things I've already learned from "Walking on Eggshells," "Stop Care Taking the borderline," "I hate you don't leave," "BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People"

Have you heard of Hanlon's Razor? (https://fs.blog/2017/04/mental-model-hanlons-razor/)

"Don't assume malice..."

I deactivated my old, original FB account, little to do with my ex. She asked you to friend her, yes?

I get it though. I assumed a lot of things early on, but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

It sounds like you're still very involved with her. To this day, members here have commented and still comment that about me. What happens if you ignore? My ex sent me a new friend request (I had blocked her on my original account while she was still living with us), and I sat on it for almost a year while we coparented otherwise.

My husband has 3 fb accounts, but it's more of a paranoia thing (keeping different circles separate from each other). None are under his real name. Generally it's one of his more harmless behaviors. ;-)

Hi
I’m not sure what would happen if I ignored, she is very happy with the new man at the moment , so until they fall out or she is having a bad day then not a lot I guess
I just find it a bit odd , but then as someone just said , it’s one of the more harmless things
Too many things to sketch me out
I’m reading raising resilient children and stop caretaking the borderline/narcissist also loving someone with borderline personality disorder. Although many of these are relevant when your in a relationship , which we aren’t

Thanks, I read Stop Caretaking the borderline which was very helpful. I'll look into, "Raising Resilient Children" This sounds very useful. What age range does Raising Resilient children cover?