BPDFamily.com

{With a 3rd party present.}

"I apologize for that.  Just ignore her."

Can you just stop being so unreasonable?

For once, will you quit projecting your  :cursing: on me?

Actually, you're NOT a logical person, and the more you keep announcing loudly that you ARE, the more I'm convinced you're NOT.

Any statement with the word "you" in it.

Trust is something that is earned

"Of course I saw your name on the caller i.d.  That's why I didn't answer."

Do it. Do all these things you're threatening to do and let's see what happens.

“You seem to be the common denominator in all these relationship issues , am I right? “

I told him to “grow a pair”….. once…. didn’t go well..

You are an adult.

Oh, this, tried and tested with zero positive outcomes  lol

"I feel like you're using me."

...and now we are no longer speaking. Apparently my feelings aren't valid or that statement hit a little too close to home

So the WHOLE world is out to get you?

So it's ALWAYS everyone else's fault?

Wow! I can't believe how perfect you are being able to claim you don't do anything wrong!

You know, you might actually have or keep a friend if you actually treated them decent. Maybe even keep a romantic interest around!

Or pretty much say or do the things she has to me during those moments. She would go nuclear and I'd be the worst person ever.

You have that down to an art form

pwBPD "Do you want these ? (things she owns) as I might give them away if you don't"

"No thank you, go ahead and do what you want with them" ( as an expression, not a command)

pwBPD in angry tone: " How DARE you tell me what to do with my belongings! These are MINE and I will do whatever I want with them".

They can whatever you, but should you whatever them…

Similar to Notwendy's:

She’s going out of town and is asking what I want her to leave out that I can eat.

pwBPD:  I can make some fresh pasta and you can use up this meat sauce while I’m gone.  Do you want that?

me:  Yes, that will work, I’ll eat that.

pwBPD:  Or do you want me to freeze it if you don’t like it?

me:  Okay, freeze it.

pwBPD:  Then what are you supposed to eat?

me:  I’ll take care of myself.

pwBPD:  Exasperated. 

It's like a flowchart.  Experience has shown there was no right way to answer it.  If I had said no right off the bat she would have torn into me for never liking her cooking.  If I had insisted on wanting it, I would have heard how she doesn't have time for that and I'm always making her do the work.  At the end I should have said "Okay, I'll take the meat sauce" to see how many times things would go 360! 

My BPD husband does not like to take advice from me, even on things where I have expertise, and he does not.

“Let me show you the *right* way to do that.”

Guaranteed to set off a bomb!

I once told my my uBPD wife that the real reason she went way overboard on gifts for the kids was because the gifts were really for herself...   boom!

literally lol'd at this one Ozzie :) :) :)

Thank you everyone for the amazing posts. It’s a relief to know I am not the only one. So many great lines here.

Why don't you see if you can find some principles to live by.

When what you say is never enough...

“I love you, dear.”
“Is that you talking, or is it the martini?”
“It’s me talking to the martini.”

"It's interesting that someone who is hyper sensitive to criticism can be so overtly critical"

Have you ever thought of examining your own behavior?

"its over"

"thank god"

When you are pushing our son and I into the wall and threatening to hit me with a broom, and then I push you away, your bruises are not evidence of me being an abuser.

Why am I still here?

The world isn’t going to end because I’m five minutes late taking you to your appointment.

Been there, lived that.  You want a divorce because you feared we'll be late (for an important religious event) but we arrived 10 minutes early (and as it turned out it started late too)?

To my separated partner.
“I am not a ATM machine”

I didn’t exactly this with my partner.

She no longer speaks to me…

Thank you so much for the laughs! This thread was very relativizing of some painful times.

Here's mine: "Well, what about [me/my space/my needs/my goals... ]"

Response: blank state. Escalate the situation through triggers, threats, or emotional blackmail.

Couper's Reply 17 reminded me of the equivocation. Like when being asked where I want to go out to eat. Truthfully, this might be more of a common man/woman exchange. What she really wanted me to do was just decide and not worry about what she wanted. Despite not wanting to be controlled, I think she desired comfort from her anxiety and to be "someone to lead and guide her," as she told me I failed at.

Cringe-worthy exchange:

She: <said something I thought was nuts>

Me: you're crazy <said colloquially, as I would to a buddy>

She:  don't EVER call me CRAZY! <very harsh look tm>

Me: <oops, looks for an exit>

She later referred to her self diagnosed <BPD> as her "sickness."

I was "throwing her sickness in her face" when I suggested she get help.

I'm dying laughing!

Anything.

It gets interpreted into meaning something else.

That's almost verbatim a conversation my BPDxw had with a family member over some copies of family photos that the family member had sent BPDxw (at BPDxw's request).  I saved a screenshot of the texts because it was so bizarre to me (at the time).

crazy: "Do you want the pictures or can I use them for my project?"

sane: "They're all yours."

crazy: "What do you mean?"

sane: "I sent them per your request.  You can do whatever you want with them.  Can't wait to see your project!"

crazy: "I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED THEM OR NOT, YOU HAVE A FAMILY HERE, AND I'M SORRY YOUR SO WRAPPED UP IN YOUR PRECIOUS PICTURES."

The best part was... after demanding family photos from several people, demanding I jump through a bunch of hoops to help start her project, which I complied with, she never did anything, she didn't even start it!

In September:

Thanksgiving is at our house this yr.