BPDFamily.com

My relationship with my fiancé is and has been a roller coaster at best and a downright emotional disaster at worst.   My shining hope- the emotional light at the end of the tunnel is the blessing- and I mean a genuine BLESSING that I can read her level of trust and baseline mood.   

She has GIFTED me (perhaps without knowing how amazing and beneficial it is) a simple sign of which way her splitting is tilted:  When she is upset and perceives me as Lucifer in the flesh, she turns off her text “read” notifications on the iPhone and if it’s particularly bad, she also turns off her location sharing with me.    As she returns to her baseline trust, she turns back
on the “read” notifications and finally she shares her location
with me. 

I am not a religious person at all.   But the truth is, if there is someone somewhere that has some pull of the strings that we all hang from like puppets- it’s something I can only thank my lucky stars for this intervention.   

Good on you for observing her patterns and LEARNING from those.  That bodes well for your long term success.

I like to call what you are doing "sticking your toe in the water" to see if it's good to "hop in"...or if you need to wait.

Your tool is much better than mine.  I usually mention I'm getting myself a drink and ask if she wants want.  Friendly and thankful generally means conflict has burned itself out...silence, eye roll or contempt means FF is still on hot seat.

Glad to see you posting a lot!  Reflect back a bit...please share some lessons you have learned from your posts.

Best,

FF

Just to chime in... I get both of these tells.

Also:
I can always tell she is ready to re-engage when I ask "would you like me to stay or go" and she replies "you can do what you want"... this translates into "please stay I'm ready to talk".