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Title: Separation advise Post by: MsCamper on September 01, 2021, 09:27:08 AM Hello. After speaking with a divorce attorney, I have found that my state is a "Fault" divorce state. In the event that there is not a "Fault" then an 18 month separation is required prior to filing for a divorce. My only "fault" option would be if my H admitted that he has a BPD condition which has created a strain on the marriage. I see this as very unlikely as he is not willing to take ownership of the diagnosis himself let along put it into a court document.
Before telling him that I want to pursue this separation with intent to divorce, I do plan to speak with my therapist as this is a game changer for me. A divorce could have been quick(ish) and easy(ish) while this separation still has us connected for a much longer period. Has anyone else gone down this route and have any advise? Notes: He has been in a negative space for 5 weeks now. This news will be coming during this negative period. He has been big on the silent treatment the past 3 weeks so he has said little to nothing to me. He knows I am miserable. Surely this is not going to be a surprise to him but I am not sure. Much like everyone else, he goes in cycles like this and then one day "wakes up" and acts as if nothing ever occurred. We have kids together but both have two kids from prior relationships. We have no shared assets, no shared expenses. I am the sole owner on my home and will be asking him to leave the dwelling. Title: Re: Separation advise Post by: Skip on September 01, 2021, 02:08:08 PM Are the grounds something like (Illinois as example):
• impotence • bigamy (the other spouse had a wife or husband living at the time of the marriage) • adultery • abandonment for a period of at least one year • alcohol abuse or drug addiction for 2 years • attempting to take the other spouse's life • extreme and repeated physical or mental cruelty • a felony conviction, and • infecting the other spouse with a sexually transmitted disease. Didn't you say earlier that there was infidelity? Title: Re: Separation advise Post by: MsCamper on September 01, 2021, 02:37:10 PM Skip - Yes, very similar. He cheated on me when we were dating. I found out just prior to the marriage.
My T has recommended to have the conversation in person as we will have some connection for the next 18 months but to maintain my original goal of leaving the home for a few hours to allow him time to make some personal calls and pack his day to day items. He stated to only utilize the words separation and once more time has passed then the words divorce can begin. Kind of that time heals wounds thing and that maybe at that point my H will also realize that the relationship was not healthy. Title: Re: Separation advise Post by: ForeverDad on September 01, 2021, 02:51:43 PM It may make a difference if that affair with the woman he met at a bar occurred or continued after the marriage.
Since your marriage is relatively new, just a few months, is annulment a possibility? Like so much else with marriages, the basis to seek annulment varies from state to state. Another thought... there are several states with lengthy waiting/separation periods (1-2 years) before filing for no-fault divorce. Many (but not all) do allow a shorter period if both spouses have "mutual consent" to divorce. Does your state (https://www.divorcesource.com/ds/divorceprocess/separation-or-waiting-periods-for-no-fault-divorce-621.shtml) allow for anything less than 18 months? |