BPDFamily.com

I looked and didn't see this come up as a topic, although there is much discussion in posts.  I won't provide the link but you can find the personality questionnaire online fairly easily.  I'll share my results and if you're comfortable, share yours as well.  I know I'm not the only one interested in seeing if there are similarities.

Now your BPDex has a personality disorder, so I'm not sure how reliable their results can be, but I'm interested in that as well and will share what I remember her's to be.

Me:  ENFP.  Years earlier I took it as part of a college course and was INFP.

BPDex: INTJ  --Maybe.  She had it on a keychain or something as we talked about it the first night I hung out at her place.  It was supposed to be a "party" for co-workers.  I was the only one who showed.  I stayed up until 4am, crashed on her couch, and was pretty much hooked in.  In classic fashion, when we went on our first outing at the golf course the next week she told me platonic friends don't write each other poetry, and who did I think I was, etc...

But I do write poems to friends, or anyone really, here I'll show you.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Please fill out this questionnaire and relay your results here because I'm genuinely curious to see if there are any trends in us Non's or our BPD counterparts, even if you think this test is outdated and outmoded it's still kinda cool just the same...
Then the wind blew
And the story was read.

Nice one! Can we add a poll? Perhaps an admin can do that.

Oh so the following might not go down well with you, Ad Meliora  lol True INTJ here, tested consistently as such since my college days. I think this type gets thrown around too often these days – a couple of years ago I signed up to an INTJ forum, only to discover that it was full of ISTJ and ISFJ pinocchios pretending to be archetypal movie villains. A lot of people also use this type as an "excuse" for behaving like a$$ to everyone else (it is not).

It would make sense that your ex was an INTJ – the ENFP/INTJ pairing is often described as an electric match because of the complementary functions.

Before we got together, I typed my ex as an INFJ or INFP. He took the test and claimed to be an INFJ (perhaps my ideal type), but it turned out he scored closer to INFP.

Self reflection. Take a look. Take the test. What are your results? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=60827)

more self assessment tests are pinned at the top of this board (and here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=300130.)

infp here.

Here is some data we have collected over the years:

Preliminary Survey Results
(https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/images/mb/myers-briggs_table1.gif)
May 20, 2011
 
Sensing [73% of US population/ 18% of bpdfamily participants]
 
Paying attention to physical reality, what I see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. I’m concerned with what is actual, present, current, and real. I notice facts and I remember details that are important to me. I like to see the practical use of things and learn best when I see how to use what I’m learning. Experience speaks to me louder than words.
 
Intuition [27% of US population/ 82% of bpdfamily participants]
 
Paying the most attention to impressions or the meaning and patterns of the information I get. I would rather learn by thinking a problem through than by hands-on experience. I’m interested in new things and what might be possible, so that I think more about the future than the past. I like to work with symbols or abstract theories, even if I don’t know how I will use them. I remember events more as an impression of what it was like than as actual facts or details of what happened.

Wow, Thanks Skip for the breakdown.  In many of the categories the folks here are pretty consistent with the general population except those last two, and when you read those descriptions it's easy to see how we may be fooled by an alternate reality.  Very interesting.

Thank's Once for participating, I'll check the link out.

And Sappho,  I don't know my BPDx's category for sure.  I didn't (and don't) see any of these personality types as a mismatch per se, I was just curious if there are some trends and Skip's data does point to one clear distinction here in this group.  My good friend at the time I took the gender studies class with got his results back as an ETSJ--the exact opposite of me!

This is an interesting thread. I took this test a few years ago and scored as INFJ. Ex-BPD took it a couple of times and scored differently each time. I think his last result was ENFP. He is definitely more extroverted, loved the limelight, was charming and funny and always got people's attention. I'm more quiet, don't like to be the center of attention at all. I guess that worked well for our dynamic at the time.
My ex was constantly on Twitter, trying to get more followers, loved following people with the same political views, and women who were very out there and in-your-face about their views, the bolder the better. I'm so unlike them, I really wondered what he saw in me, and I said so. He said his online persona was not him, and that although he agreed with some things that others said, he loved me. ?
Maybe it was just the sex, lol. We did always have a great physical relationship. Anyway, I found this post interesting because my former therapist had encouraged us both to take this personality test.

Wind-o-C, Sounds like you're helping to confirm some of Sappho's info on personality matches.  So maybe there's something to that.  My connection to my BPDex was "electric" as Sappho says.  Too bad she had a condition.  I think one of the reasons I stuck it out was because it seemed like it should be a good match. And I thought she was hot, Lynda Carter hot. Oh and the sex was good too... lol


Digression here as I read about your ex's twitter followers.  I dated someone like that, she was the one who leveraged me out of my marriage (we broke up each other's marriages really--they were sputtered out at the time).  She was a former punk/goth girl, boisterous, opinionated, stubborn, and a self-declared 'feminist bi*ch'.  I thought she was lovely.  Exactly what the doctor ordered after I was in a relationship with a cool, distant, unexpressive woman who I met in college and I stayed with because she said it wasn't "in the cards" for us.  I thought I could prove her wrong--she was right.  Goth girl was the opposite of me in many ways, but we were both stubborn, opinionated, and could be competitive to the point we weren't getting invited over for "game night" with friends.  On more than one occasion we would lock horns over how a play should go or what was fair.  We would argue intensely with each other to make our points.  This would go on for maybe 10-20 minutes.  Sometimes all the party people would get up and leave the room and we wouldn't notice until later.  We'd come to a draw, wonder where everyone went, shrug our shoulders, and get a drink.  In one of our episodes at a doctor friend of mine's house he keep interjecting while we were arguing, "but the sex is great, right?"  It was.   lol  She didn't have a pd, but we were fire and ice.  A Virgo and a Taurus.  Neither of us had the tools to handle each other.  I'm not sure we do even today!

I have taken this test many times over the years and I have consistently scored as a INFJ. What I find so interesting is that this is one percent of the population, yet it is the the highest percentage here. It must certainly mean that we have a higher chance of getting involved with a BPD than other personalities.

Whatever happened to that relationship with the fire n ice girl, Ad M? Was it as you said, you didn't have the tools to handle each other, other than the sex part? ;) I get that physical attraction thing, though. And it sounds like there was much more than that in this case as well.

B53, so are there a lot of INFJs here? That is very interesting. I do think we tend to be empathetic. For me, I'm definitely driven to help others. I'm a case manager at a community mental health agency, so that is what I do for a living, lol. My BPD ex gave me a lot of experience in dealing with mental health crises, for sure, traumatic though it was at times. The negative side of me is that I have weak boundaries. I first became aware of this probably 8 years ago. Still working on this issue...it is definitely something I struggle with.

I think you may have something there, though. Because we are empathic, people with BPD find a sympathetic ear in us. And they are drawn to that. And we are drawn in and want to help them, heal them, maybe.

The standings are interesting B53, I agree. This is what I see as totals above:

INFP & INFJ  = 14.1% (tied for 1st)
INTJ               = 9.8%
ISTJ               = 8.6%
ENFP              =8.2%

The rest seem to fall off precipitously.  I think Skip's analysis shows that this group deviates as much as 5x from the general population in the sensing & intuition sections. Meaning, we may be much more likely to buy into a convincing alternate reality created by a loved one.  Conversely, it's likely these personalities that also are most likely to create it?  Thing to remember:  BPD = personality disorder (mental illness) so that's where it goes askew.

Yes, Wind-o-C,  the 'fire and ice girl' is still around in town.  I live in a large metropolitan area so that doesn't mean much.  My friends and family found her to be abrasive and grating,  her friends thought I was too L7 (square) for her.  That wasn't the dealbreaker as much as we both were trying to quarterback the relationship and that just didn't foster any kind of team spirit.  Someone has to run and catch the ball, not just call plays and get the glory.  She was boisterous and immature, not the worst things.  It would've needed significant behavior change and therapy to work on both our parts.  It's really hard to overcome mismatched values is my take away from that r/s as well.  I don't know, you counsel people right?  How often do emotional affair relationships last (more than 9 years, let's say  :)?

Tie in to my BPDex.  I actually thought I could build a good relationship with her from the sex part only.  I was dead wrong on that.  Just like you 'can't love the BPD out of them' you can't ______ the BPD out of them either!  :)

Wanted to throw in the thought that the high prevalence of introverted intuitives is likely due to this being an online forum.

Extroverted and sensing types just aren't as likely to analyse and pour out their feelings to strangers on the internet in the form of written words. They'd rather tell them to a bartender over half a bottle of whiskey, or shake them off doing more stimulating activities, meeting people, dating casually, etc.

Online fora in general have been dying a slow death over the past two decades as they got replaced by "mainstream" social media. Nowadays, they are an internet niche. They generally offer very little in the line of pictures/entertaining visual content, and not only require holding a thought beyond 140 characters, but also an interest in reading longer texts (which most people tend to hate). So it's not surprising that online fora speak to a rather small sample of the general population -- folks who like sensorily low-stimulating, highly abstract activites. In other words, folks who are introverted intuitives.

The last forum I saw thriving was one for INTPs, but it attracted INTJs and INFPs too. Very few sensors or extraverts even made it to the board, and none of them stuck around.

We're simply forum-type people, that's why we end up here.

As for ISTJs... well, they're fixers. I've only met two of those in my life and they were the type of people who approached others like they approached broken cars. They both viewed human problems as mechanical challenges to solve. So I guess it would make sense that this subtype would google for "solutions" to the unsolvable problem that is the Borderline -- and end up here.

I think you make some good points here, but there are other "E"s here.  Perhaps I should retake the quiz between Covid and my BPDex they may have scared me back into my snailshell.  :)

I really do agree with the holding the thought and 140 characters part above.  That's why I'm off all of it, social media.  You would think it may be difficult for any form of extrovert, but nah.  I've seen enough of what my neighbor ate for lunch or some nonsensical speculative stories that get passed around and turns out to be fake.  Besides, they're full of pwBPD!  I do miss the cat videos tho...

No fostering of exchange of ideas or discussion of points on those platforms. It's rife with narcisstic trends and the sociopaths who run those companies focus on how to expand and feed people's selfishness/narcissism.  I could go on, but I'm adrift from Myers-Briggs now.  In short,  most social media platforms have only emptiness to offer.

I'm INFJ, my exwBPD was ENFP.

This is an insightful observation. I might suggest it has been more like murder and it started around 2014, when Google, with its continued desire to cut into FaceBook's ad revenue, de-listed Internet forums from its browsers.  BPDFamily was the most visited BPD/mental health website on the Internet by a large margin (as reported by Alexa) and was listed in the top 10 listings on Google search for years. One day it dropped to 40 (traffic was still high and growing) and then suddenly to 80 and then past 140 into obscurity. It put amateur blogs with virtually no readership ahead of forums.

We looked into moving to another platform, like Facebook, but the loss of anonymity didn't make sense. The short response still also didn't seem appropriate for a true support group.


Digital sensory marketing sells, it's addictive, and the country (world) is caught up in it to such a extent that is becoming harmful. Machines are becoming smarter and people are becoming less capable.  Our course, they said this about TV, too, when it was commanding so many waking hours. I don't want to sound like my grandfather.  *)


The survey was started in 2007 when the posting rate here was one post every 2 seconds. As things evolved over the next 14-15 years, the percentages have not changed nor has the style of posting.

My take on it is that the reason people are here has a lot to do with the depth of their wound, and the need to share the hurt, and to make sense of it.

The audience here is posting differently than on Reddit, Quora, or Wikipedia where the posters compete to see who is the better faux-expert.  And differently than on social media which tends to be more short and absolute.

While it is fun to look at, Meyer's Briggs is pseudo-science that is no more valid than comparing astrological signs. It is not accepted by the psychological community.

Thanks for chiming in Skip.  This is interesting.  If I read it correctly there are still as many people posting and relying on this resource as there was back in 2007, despite it falling out of favor with the search engines like google.  This should be something you can take to your funding sources to show the relevance and need for continued financial support.

I know I've found it to be invaluable so far, to communicate with people who have gone through very similar experiences to mine.  The only thing better would be to meet in person as a support group.  In the middle of a pandemic sitting in an unventilated church basement with a bunch of strangers doesn't sound all that appealing to me. 

I'm so glad you didn't move to facebook. I wouldn't be participating.  I found my privacy and the privacy of my customers with my business was far too important to have that data (images, names, customers addresses, etc...) become the property of one individual to sell to the highest bidder for whatever (nefarious) purposes.

Agreed. We have gone to extreme measures to protect the posting here from being link to the industrial data collection complex. The operation is on a private server, there are no analytics, no advertising/marketing, no third party apps, and no revenue model. Our members totally fund the operation via donation. Our benefactors have no profit or message motives and no input into the content.

First time doing this and mine came up INFJ-A.  After skimming over a few of the definitions out there, I have to say the whole thing is pretty freaky.

The discussion about forums falling out of favor is interesting.  I don't know about with topics such as what is discussed here, but in my own world there are many groups with separate specific interests yet under a common banner.  There were once very active forums for every little subset, but now so many have migrated to Facebook.  I believe this is in part because of the simplicity of having one login -- they can crosslink their interests without having to visit and monitor multiple separate forums every day.  The technical types have stayed on the forums for many of the reasons already listed, but the "look at me" types have wandered off to these other more simplistic platforms where they can get the most exposure with the least amount of keystrokes.