BPDFamily.com

Mary Elizabeth Winsted is my BPDex in Smashed,
change brown eyes to blue, white skin to tan an there she is
Add 20 years (and about 50lbs) for today, yes, it’s her

1 hour 20 minutes I watched it play out on screen, the addiction,
the fights, emotional battles, the highs, the lows, the lies.
The same intonations, the looks like when my ex was high,
expertly portrayed.  Too good, tears brought to eyes.
Trauma triggered: I can’t believe I lived that, it’s a tragedy now on screen

I wish BPD was bottle that could be put down,
I wish she’d hit rock bottom and get help
Always too many enablers to break the cycle,
to get out.  Change is hard.

Nights spent with ex’s partying friends, at her place
“Oh we never hit it like this, normally.” Bullsh*t.
To keep up, I eat 4 squares of the chocolate bar loaded with THC
I didn’t realize she had a high tolerance, she’s fine
I’m catatonic in the basement bean bag. Pool balls shot like tracer rounds
Daft punk blaring out the speakers, she doesn’t even like house music
Constantly trying to escape: her, with weed vaped in “secret”
Constantly trying to escape: me, her bedroom of scented candles.

“Geez, you really took advantage of me last night.”  I quip
Pupils dilate, she stares at me:  Pure Blue Rage.  Tears well up.
“I’d NEVER do that, how could you SAY that!“  Runs out of room.
Returns minutes later:  So what’s on TV?
Me thinks she doth protest too much.
Me thinks I hit a nerve,
Me thinks ‘what really happened then, I mean the waaay back Then’.
Me thinks, me thinks…
Me thinks too much.

I’m the addict here.  I’m the one a year ‘sober’.
I’m alone, am I better off?
Yeah. It’s hard.
She’s still there, stumbling around her backyard
Aimlessly swinging at wiffle golf balls
Stuck with a self she doesn’t even know or like

No nice ending
No clarity on characters complexity

Bottle, don’t tell me you love me, I know it’s a lie
You’re incapable of love.

Can an alcoholic “contact” a bottle without repercussion?
No…No contact.