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Just need to vent. I haven't really talked to my ex in over two months. He lives across the country now. I had a moment of weakness and looked at his social media accounts this weekend. It's like he is a totally different person and doesn't even remember me. Is it common for people with BPD to just completely morph into another person? It just hurts, it's like the person I knew wasn't even real.

Hi marv,  :hug:
I think this is terribly common - because of their unstable sense of self and their tendency to mirror others, they will take on the traits/likes/personality of whomever they are hanging out with at the time. So yeah, it may very well seem like he is a completely different person.  I can completely sympathize with the pain of feeling like the person you loved wasn't even real - and I honestly still don't know how much of the man I fell in love with was real and how much was mirroring. I feel like I have at least come to terms with that knowledge, but it was hard.

Just remember that you fell for the person he presented himself to be... you were not in the wrong, it was the only data you had to work with at the time (I'm a data analyst, sorry if this analogy just got too tech-y).

Marv,

Yes, this!  Exactly.  It’s one of the more traumatic things about my relationship end - back before I blocked my ex on all social media, I looked and saw he had deleted everything that he ever had in common with me.  Even tenuous connections.  I was shocked - I thought he had such deep ingrained identifications with some of the things he deleted.  It made me feel like he was such a stranger.  And I agree - I think it must be because they’ve learned to be chameleons to survive whatever traumas they had in their childhood.   Blocking him certainly helps me not look at anything and move forward.  I have no control over what he does or decides to delete or become next.   It is heartbreaking because it makes me question all of the good things we had together. Was it all fake?  But someone here reminded me that it was very much real. We were both there.  We just had different experiences overall I think.  Coming to terms with that is difficult.  But again, I’ve only been able to do so by no contact and blocking social media. 

You are not alone, and this is incredibly common with BPD ex partners.

This is typical and par for the course. Do not take it personally. Be kind to yourself. Do not bother with social media at least as it pertains to him...you will just trigger yourself and stay tied to the pain and hurt.

Social media is their haven...they get to live in fantasyland, not reality. Keep that in mind. Nothing is truly as it appears.

Keep your head up and continue to heal.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-