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Title: Anticipating behavior Post by: AlwaysMean on October 07, 2021, 03:38:54 PM I just got back to work from Lunch with my pwBPD. Before, I said that I have to go and left the room, I feel he saw an open window for guilting.
We were talking about symbols. We both had the same thought about a particular country flag. A grabbed my ipad to verify my thought was correct, as I began to wonder; wait they had the same meaning in two places for that flag. After checking the net I then said "You were right." He said sarcastically, "I like you it how you feel the need to check what I say." "What was that? Did I offend you? I had no intention on offending you, I am sorry." I replied. I felt defensive right away because I usually see this as the beginning of an episode judging by the tone. I assume he felt I wasn't being sincere. (Being sincere was one of the things that was brought in couples counseling 1.5 year ago. (Couples therapy didn't last long, He didn't want to go anymore) From there he began to ask a lot of questions. "What about it makes you sorry?", "Why do you feel the need to apologize?" and a few others. (Questoins scare me now: As I recognize them for giving him ammunition to rip me to shreds emotionally. I stopped allowing more than two questions at a time a year ago.) I assured him that I understand that I may have offended him and truly am sorry. "Reflect on yourself." "Your not perfect." to quote a few things that followed. This is when my heart began to race. Typically, I would wait and talk things through but like I said I had to get to work. So I told him, "You are borderlining right now, I cannot do this right now." Then I exited the room. Right now, I am at my desk and gut aching. As soon as I got back to the office I messaged him via gmail because I don't dare use my cell as is a major argument waiting to happen of who all called what we did talk about. He always wants to know where I am at so I said, " I am back at the office. I love you. I am turning off my gmail because I am struggling to deal with the borderlining right now." Worried about what comes next. |