BPDFamily.com

My pwBPD and I came last Monday to do medical tourism to a foreign country and we've been staying in an Airbnb. The procedure she underwent had as a side effect some major hormonal imbalances/changes which I was anticipating.  Since her procedure, things been rough: the ups and lows are more intense and frequent; it's like she now has BPD on PEDS. I anticipated these events so I was not very worried for myself and also we've lived together the past 5 months and we've managed to establish strategies for a good coexistance. So far, I had managed everything pretty well, and she had a hold of herself once I started putting in practice the strategies we had developed, hence, I thought things wouldn't go south or, at least, not very bad for the rest of the trip.

Today she started fighting with me over me talking to her too "rudly" and me being too "selfish" after her procedure after I gave her a short direct answer to a wuestion because I was writing a work email. After her reaction, I told her I had done as much as I could for her to be in a calm, safe, and good place for her recovery. However, she went on with this topic. Eventually she went out and when she came back she didn't want to talk with me or have any interaction. At first she asked me if I could leave and come back as late as I could. I told her if it was possible for us to have a talk about what was happening. She broke down and started crying and told me she didn't know what was happening to ehr and she just felt terrible. I understood her and after a while she went out again as I had an appointment with my psychologist (online) and she preferred that over me having the meeting in some other place.

When she came back, she told me the same thing about me going out and coming late and I had the same answer. This time she became mad and started telling me that she just didn't want to see me as my mere existence annoyed her, made her angry, frustrated her and made her uncomfortable. I told her if there was anything we or I could do in order to make her more comfortable. She said no and just told me she didn't care at all what happened to us, she just didn't want to see me or even be in the same room as me.

As I continued to try to calm her down (following what my psych has told me to do with pBPD), she took her phone and started looking for Airbnbs for herself and when I noticed I told her that I could leave as it would be better if she had her recovery in the actual Airbnb and also because every time she does something like that I know that she'll bring it back in the future in order for me to be in a position of an insensitive person.

Hence, I'm here in a Starbucks waiting for her to message me, saying that I can come back now (this has happened before). I am in peace with myself in the sense that I know I didn't do anything wrong and it's just this augmented BPD she is suffering given her procedure side effects. All and all, I still feel alone and wondering if it's worth all the things I have to put up just to still experience these things that are incomprehensible for the majority of people out there. I do love her and I take the decision to be with her everyday and I don't have a problem with that most of the time, but this week has been too much and, at least for today, I feel tired of these dynamics for the first time in a long time.

Has something like this ever happened to you?

 This is very familiar. The BPD is recycling through past trauma triggered by hormonal imbalance, substance abuse …etc

 During that time the BPD takes it on the person closest to them.  It’s common. You have a problem if the occurrence becomes too frequent.

Hi I don’t have any advice, just wanted to say that with my wife, the ivf medication, pregnancy and having a young child have all contributed to augmented bpd… also every time we ever go away on holiday or anything, the same kind of thing happens. I think it’s a combination of the stress of travelling and being away from home, along with the pressure to “have a good/relaxing time”, which tends to ruin most celebrations. For a medical break I would expect things to be worse. Best wishes..

Thank you both. Yes, I know she takes it on with the person nearest to her, she herself has told me so. However, it may be too much from time to time when this augmented phase is happening as I cannot process things as efficiently as in more “normal times”.

Broken person, you made a great point noting the pressure to have a good time. I hadn’t thought about that, you’re absolutely right. Been on a vacation type of setting and not been able to do somethings given her medical procedure has stressed things for sure.