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I'm curious about all of your opinions on this. What is it about the people they keep going back to (I am one of them) that keeps them going back? My ex has had (and ended) plenty of flings in his life, but there have been 3 women in his life that he continuously goes back to. His first ex who he was on and off with for 4 years (I think he finally stopped trying to go back to her because she got a boyfriend), and then me and his ex before me who he was on and off with for about a year and a half each. But why us? Why not the other flings? He's really good at blocking or unfollowing the other flings and completely cutting them off. Is it because we are codependent? Fixers? Have proved we will put up with their BS? Of course I'm sure we all want to think it's because they truly love us, but I doubt that's the case. What do you all think?

Not sure there's a black and white answer for this.

Maybe a combination of all the things you mentioned. Maybe because they remember how you once made them feel, maybe because they want a Disney-like reunion. Maybe because you just fill the void of loneliness until they find their next saviour.

One thing that seems true is that them coming back seldom leads to "happily ever after".

Any answer given to this is subjective at best. People with mental health disorders are still people and individuals. I know that it is hard to remember, but if you remove the disorder from the equation then perhaps you can find a better answer through more open lens.

In generalized terms...usually because the partner will always let them back in, they have weak boundaries, and perhaps issues with co-dependency. In addition, there is usually a hidden motive and agenda and it is not innocent most of the time. As Grumpy did mention...happily ever after is certainly not in the cards.

Now, that is a typical response you will get or see, but I would look at the reason why people go back is more based on individual factors to which no one can give you a smoking gun, magic bullet kind of answer. You can make educated guesses and its conjecture based, but neither I nor anyone else can provide a definitive answer.

Sorry if that isn't very helpful, but just had to make sure we don't steer towards the lumping them altogether kind of thought process.

Cheers and best wishes!

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Another thing on that, Sinister.

In my first year of this psychology degree, apparently the literature shows that we - as individuals - are prone to believe that those who provide black and white answers are more competent / have more expertise on the subject.

Meanwhile, people who answer questions with the appropriate nuance, are perceived as not being an expert (or to be believed).

That is, we are built to want (and believe) simple answers to complex questions!

It's something really interesting for all of us to keep in mind, as it's an innate weakness of our reasoning / perception that psuedo-intellectuals take advantage of.

Also, Marv, it's completely understandable to want to know the answer to that question. It's best to focus on building your boundaries so that, when / if he comes back, you are ready to choose the course of action that best suits (and protects) you.

Sadly, it is true. Charisma goes a long way (sometimes charisma is cloaked under the guise of black and white answers). Someone with confidence who acts the part can go a long way...i.e. many YT "Experts" Hence why you will hear fake it until you make it passed along. The unfortunate reality is that part is taken a little bit too seriously. Some "experts" will blatantly make S  :cursing: up to fill space and divert by using big words and putting the onus back on the audience to deflect from getting scrutinized and risk being found out as a fraud. The good news...there is much more higher level discussion that takes place on these boards and actual resources made available. I am personally not really a fan of the youtube stuff. I'd still rather read peer reviewed articles or read a book (research nerd alert  lol)...archaic in this day and age I know, but its something about the video stuff that screams I need attention that drives me away. I use youtube for music videos when looking for new stuff to listen to. That is about it. To each their own though. No one way is superior. Different strokes for different folks.

Appreciate the back and forth here Grumpy ;-).

Not to detract from Marv here though. Marv, you posed the question, but let me put this back on you for a moment. Being honest, what do you think of yourself? What do you feel your value is? Would you consider your self-esteem low, high, or in-between? Where would you rank your self-worth? More importantly...what do you truly feel and believe? Just some food for thought here.  |iiii

Cheers and best wishes!

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