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Title: Well I decided to respond... Post by: ILMBPDC on October 26, 2021, 09:02:30 PM Quick recap - my ex broke no-contact after 13 weeks on Saturday night and I agonized for 2 1/2 days on if I should respond to his seemingly innocuous message. I came to the conclusion that no, I wouldn't and I didn't want to be pulled back in. (full thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=351023.msg13157219)
As you can guess by the thread title, I changed my mind earlier today after someone asked me what the basis was for my decision and I sat here and thought about it. And I realized 2 things: One - I was doing what I always do and avoiding hard conversations and Two- I was making assumptions about his motivation (and frankly driving myself a little crazy). I decided to step out of my comfort zone and respond, knowing that I had a great support system behind me to keep me from falling back down the rabbit hole. And it was rather uneventful lol I responded with pure BIFF - answered his question and said thanks for asking. He came back with "Thanks for letting me know. Your family is in my prayers" The end. No drama, nothing at all that I had been building up in my head. I am frankly glad I did it because I really was working myself up over the whole thing and I feel so much calmer now. Now, I do actually believe there was something more to his message when he initially sent it on Saturday and maybe waiting for more than 2 days to respond made him mad or disengaged him somehow but honestly it doesn't even matter. I'm just happy it was completely anti-climactic and hope its not a precursor to something else (his response about keeping us in his prayers was weird, I won't get into, it but suffice to say it was unlike him as I knew him. I expect he is mirroring someone else now. Oh well.) I want to thank you all for having my back while I was fretting over this. It seems silly as I am reporting on it now but at the time I truly was worried about the whole thing and tying my self up in knots. Title: Re: Well I decided to respond... Post by: once removed on October 26, 2021, 09:13:42 PM how do you feel about it? any sense of closure?
Title: Re: Well I decided to respond... Post by: Ad Meliora on October 27, 2021, 12:07:30 AM Just like the emotional availability of our BPDex's--a nothing-burger.
Title: Re: Well I decided to respond... Post by: SinisterComplex on October 27, 2021, 02:01:45 AM Quick recap - my ex broke no-contact after 13 weeks on Saturday night and I agonized for 2 1/2 days on if I should respond to his seemingly innocuous message. I came to the conclusion that no, I wouldn't and I didn't want to be pulled back in. (full thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=351023.msg13157219) As you can guess by the thread title, I changed my mind earlier today after someone asked me what the basis was for my decision and I sat here and thought about it. And I realized 2 things: One - I was doing what I always do and avoiding hard conversations and Two- I was making assumptions about his motivation (and frankly driving myself a little crazy). I decided to step out of my comfort zone and respond, knowing that I had a great support system behind me to keep me from falling back down the rabbit hole. And it was rather uneventful lol I responded with pure BIFF - answered his question and said thanks for asking. He came back with "Thanks for letting me know. Your family is in my prayers" The end. No drama, nothing at all that I had been building up in my head. I am frankly glad I did it because I really was working myself up over the whole thing and I feel so much calmer now. Now, I do actually believe there was something more to his message when he initially sent it on Saturday and maybe waiting for more than 2 days to respond made him mad or disengaged him somehow but honestly it doesn't even matter. I'm just happy it was completely anti-climactic and hope its not a precursor to something else (his response about keeping us in his prayers was weird, I won't get into, it but suffice to say it was unlike him as I knew him. I expect he is mirroring someone else now. Oh well.) I want to thank you all for having my back while I was fretting over this. It seems silly as I am reporting on it now but at the time I truly was worried about the whole thing and tying my self up in knots. That is what this place is all about...it is indeed a family. Working yourself up over it...that is called normal and typical. Everyone does it, but shows it differently. We are all human. I'm just glad things went smoothly for you. Keep your head up. Heal. Live life, and dammit...SMILE and enjoy YOU. :wee: #Brohug :hug: Cheers and best wishes! -SC- Title: Re: Well I decided to respond... Post by: ILMBPDC on October 27, 2021, 08:35:09 AM how do you feel about it? any sense of closure? Like I said, I feel calm, I suppose that could be a sense of closure. I've been worried recently that he would reach out and when he did it sent me into overdrive. I just didn't think I had it in me to deal with him so the fact that it was nothing and I survived is a huge weight off my shoulders. |