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Title: BPD splitting over time Post by: Deep Blue on October 27, 2021, 10:51:33 AM Hello,
I’ve read so many posts on this site and whatnot, and I what to know why it is that pwBPD continue to betray with things like cheating, lying, manipulation, etc. to their non partners who are putting in the effort to be committed and understanding. How can a person with BPD continue to betray in escalating manner their significant other, when that significant other is remaining loyal and loving, time after time. And how is it then so common, for the pwBPD to then leave and discard to non after the non had given nothing but their love and loyalty? Deep Blue Title: Re: BPD splitting over time Post by: brighter future on October 27, 2021, 01:12:08 PM I believe it's because of their constant fear of abandonment. In their mind most of the time, it's less painful for them to dump you than have you dump them. They often line up their next supply ahead of time. I know this behavior all too well. Impulsive, irrational behavior is a prime BPD trait. For months following our breakup, I tried to make sense of my ex-g/f's behavior and literally drove myself crazy in the process. Several months ago, I decided for my own mental health that I had to let go of her and stop owning her issues. I went from being the best man she ever dated (according to her) to someone that "made her miserable and dragged her down" overnight. Those words hurt for months afterwards. I could honestly care less today. I know in my heart that I gave her my very best, and I am now content with that.
About 3 months prior to being dumped, my ex told me that she was terrified I was going to leave her. Earlier in our relationship she said, "Every good man that I've ever been with has always left me." She knew that I was concerned about her emotional state, so that's what may have triggered those feelings. Shortly after that, she accused me of being interested in a female co-worker that I was training. This co-worker is over 20 years younger than me and could be my own daughter. I had no interest in that person whatsoever. She kept pushing for engagement, and when I didn't follow through fast enough, I was discarded for the guy that she discarded to start dating me. She started seeing that guy after she discarded her ex-husband and was talking to 3 other men at the same time. It wouldn't surprise me in the least if she was doing the same things behind his back. At least it's not me! :( Title: Re: BPD splitting over time Post by: ILMBPDC on October 27, 2021, 02:43:11 PM I believe it's because of their constant fear of abandonment. In their mind most of the time, it's less painful for them to dump you than have you dump them. I 100% agree with this, based on my my own discard. Granted, others may have a different experience but in my case my ex couldn't handle hard conversations and had a major fear of abandonment and by confronting him about how he treated me I suspect that his lizard brain went into flight mode and he cut me off. And when I think about it there are other signs that back this up - I won't hijack the thread but the more I read and think about it the more I really think that their fear of abandonment run the BPD brain more than anything.Title: Re: BPD splitting over time Post by: Deep Blue on October 27, 2021, 02:49:10 PM And when I think about it there are other signs that back this up - I won't hijack the thread but the more I read and think about it the more I really think that their fear of abandonment run the BPD brain more than anything. ILMBPDC, Thank you for responding, and feel free to post as much as you like! Please do! In no way could you hijack the post! The more thoughts and personal experiences the better! Thank You, Deep Blue |