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Title: First conversation after breakup Post by: EYFGT on November 03, 2021, 01:38:58 PM Hey all, I’m really struggling today and hope someone can offer me some advice. My bpd ex girlfriend broke up with me 10 days ago and wants to communicate today. I’m pretty sure she’s heard from somewhere I’m not doing too well and it feels more like a pity call than anything. After reading and finding out about bpd AFTER our last breakup I’m thoroughly confused as to how to treat this call. On one end, it’s been less than two weeks since our breakup and part of me wants to go over things and express where I think I was at fault and if things go well, try and figure out a time to meet up soon. On the other hand, I don’t want to trigger her and worry if I do anything but let her dictate the conversation I will upset her and end up blocked again. I also worry if I take a hands off approach she’ll see me as weak and further validate her reasons for blocking me.
Is there a right or wrong way to approach a situation like this? Our breakup was the last of 4 or 5 other breakups but this one has been the most serious of them all. In the past she’s communicate with me hours or at the most two days later. This time she’s been quiet the full 10 days and had me blocked until yesterday. Any help is greatly appreciated Title: Re: First conversation after breakup Post by: Cat Familiar on November 03, 2021, 04:08:25 PM How about having a plan of listening to what she wants to communicate? https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy
She obviously has something she wants to say. Your best move would be to fully hear what she is communicating to you. Title: Re: First conversation after breakup Post by: EYFGT on November 03, 2021, 05:01:59 PM How about having a plan of listening to what she wants to communicate? https://bpdfamily.com/content/listen-with-empathy She obviously has something she wants to say. Your best move would be to fully hear what she is communicating to you. So we just finished our conversation. I was surprised as she FaceTimed me instead of just regular called and we were on the phone for 2 1/2 hours. We talked at length about how she was struggling and how she thought she needed to go to counseling. We talked about where her abandonment issues may have stemmed from and then covered everything else pretty much A-Z. I apologized for certain behaviors I can see triggered her and she said I didn’t need to but thanked me. At the very end she asked if there was anything I needed to say and as much as I didn’t want to I couldn’t help but tell her that I loved her so much and that I would never abandon her. I told her I didn’t need a response and she didn’t give one but now I just don’t know where to go. She was very sweet and didn’t show hardly any of her bpd side, but at the same time didn’t really try to make any plans or anything with me either. I’m just confused, I don’t understand how I go from blocked for 10 days, to amazing conversation, to reinforcing my love, to feeling like this again. I don’t know. I know I can’t rush someone to get back together I just wish I knew what she was feeling. Title: Re: First conversation after breakup Post by: Cat Familiar on November 03, 2021, 05:46:55 PM “I’m just confused, I don’t understand how I go from blocked for 10 days, to amazing conversation, to reinforcing my love, to feeling like this again. I don’t know. I know I can’t rush someone to get back together I just wish I knew what she was feeling.”
This is a pretty good description of how someone with BPD can behave. What she feels is likely changeable from moment to moment. |