BPDFamily.com

Hi There.

I have been in a relationship with my GF who is BPD, has severe anxiety and I now realise is an alcoholic for about 2.5 years.

Long story short.

Until 3 months ago, we lived over 100 miles away from each other. She'd come to mine for 3-7 days and then return to the marital home. Things were never easy, but we'd have a drink etc and get through any issues. She had all the classic BPD traits and had been diagnosed also with PTSD.

3 months ago, as part of her divorce settlement, she scored a house close to mine. Seeing as I lost my job in June, she paid me for those months (as well as lavishing me with cash, treats, holidays, all the way through our relationship as I was earning just above min wage) to decorate her place, go shopping for homewares (bedding, bed, mattress, curtains, lights, electricians, carpentry work etc) and I would cook for us as well (because she work out how to use the oven!) as often run to the fast food shops and pick her up more wine of course while she 'earned our money'.

I begged her just to even stop drinking in the afternoon and just wait until 6pm, and there was always an excuse and a promise to stop the next day/week/month. She'd be steaming by 7pm and ready for bed, which completely screwed up her sleep patterns. She promised to do Stoptober, but had a glass in her hand by 2pm.

Things reached a point where I issued an ultimatum - no drinking at my house if I'm not but that soon went out of the window. She also started letter herself into my property without asking me, even though she requested the same courtesy at her place. My eyes were suddenly opened and the her truth was staring me in the face.

Things snowballed from there, until after literally 3 months of non-stop 2-3 bottles of wine a day plus cans of wine including drinking during the night to get back to sleep, I finally had enough and ended the relationship 10 days ago after she started a shouting match and threatened to call the Police if I didn't leave her house. She had become obsessive, abusive, threatened to fire me as her decorator, constantly having little digs but also love-bombing me endlessly and constantly messaging or calling me, even after I'd told her I wanted time to myself, and stunk of wine all day every day. I literally watched her soul disappear into a bottle every day and she became a shadow of her former self. I occasionally saw her lucid and clear, but it never lasted.

During this time apart, she's demanded presents back she bought me over a year ago, money she'd gifted me, and last week she tried to grab me at the top of the stairs ordering me to 'sit down' and as I tried to get passed her when I picked up my charm, she stepped backwards, turned and slid down the stairs resulting in her telling the Police I'd pushed her.

I was arrested on suspicion of ABT, cuffed, taken to the station, processed, put into custody for 6 hours, interviewed and finally released without charges or bail conditions at 1am. Luckily, I recorded the audio of the whole thing on my phone but the Police didn't even bother listening to it (yet).

She got in touch again through a Facebook page I run (I've blocked her on 3 accounts I know of of hers) and I've seen screenshots of the 'Oh woe is me, I'm the victim here, I'll try and eat/shower today' on her main profile. I feel like I've been gaslighted all this time even though I knew she had a personality disorder, nothing she said was real or had any true meaning, and our relationship was just mean being a source for her NPD/BPD/cluster B disorder(s)

I'm now sat at home on a night time and weekend with my gate locked, curtains shut, car parked out the back with newly installed CCTV cameras wondering what her next move could be.

Because her abusive now deceased Father was prosecuted for abuses, she's apparently petrified of having a criminal record as it will affect her business, but I can't keep on living like this looking over my shoulder. I dread bumping into her in the street or seeing her at my window.

Can anyone advise what I should or could do? I told the Police I am fearful of her, should I look at an injunction? Believe it or not but my previous GF back in 2017 turned out to be a covert narcissist, I just seem to attract them.

At almost 50 years old, I'm seriously considering life as a single bloke for the remainder of my days.

Thanks :)

 

Hi Truthseeker12, 

I don't have any specific advice on your situation, maybe others do.  Your story sounds a bit similar to BeingMe's as his ex called the police and reported him as a missing person when they broke up.  You may want to read his thread here.  I'm not sure how it ended.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=350907.0


This part you wrote, this resonates with me right now.   I'm in the same bracket.  15 years with a partner with BiPD and jumped right into a r/s with someone with quiet BPD and introverted NPD.  I'm hitting the pause button for now.

If we keep attracting people with PD's, it's kinda like that quote: "If one person calls you a donkey, ignore them.  If two people call you a donkey, look in the mirror.  If three people call you a donkey, it's time to get a saddle and go Hee-Haw..."