BPDFamily.com

Hey there.  I’m just looking for guesses here, little stabs maybe.

My 19-year relationship/marriage to my exH with NPD/BPD ended in 2/2011 when he threw me across the room and into a door.  He did this during pretty much our first discussion about separating, when I said “if we need to part, let’s not part as enemies”.  There had been no fighting, pretty much ever.  I wasn’t like that.  I learned later that I had been in an abusive marriage for all those years.  I fought hard against that label with the two T’s who told me that.

But until that night, he had NEVER lifted a finger toward me.  He was arrested that night for felony domestic assault.  The 911 call went through even though I hung up the phone when my exH threatened “you better NOT be calling the cops”.  I was terrified and lied to the officer who spoke to me.  My exH, who was a frequent liar, told the truth and the handcuffs went on.

The rest of the history consists of my stupidity.  Dropping charges and my exH’s insistence that due to that he was “INNOCENT”.  I endured 8 months of torture by this guy before I finally fled cross country.  He was supposed to stay off the property, blah blah blah... but no...  his forte is breaking the rules and bulldozing boundaries.  

So yea, I fled because he is a huge presence and I didn’t see anyway to stay in the area.  It was the absolute worst decision of my life.  Second only to dropping the charges.

Since that time, I have HAD to see him once - at my stepson’s destination wedding.  My exBF (also disordered) was with me and was GREAT support.  He has tried to insert himself into my presence at other times, but I’ve been able to stop him.

My birthday was just over a month ago.  Two days later I was having supper at my 89-year old mom’s house.  She had an odd look on her face and I ask what’s up?  She hesitated and said she didn’t want to tell me “something”.  I said “don’t be silly, I’m BIG!”  So my mom tells me that my exH left a voice message on HER cell phone.  HER cell phone.

So this!  He identifies himself, says this is the only number he has for the (my last name) family, he called to wish Gems a happy birthday and he really wants Gems to call him and he leaves his number.

Like WHAT ON EARTH is THAT?

We have a very uncommon last name.  I never changed my name from my original name.  One online search and he could find me.  Or one call to his son for my number.  And - I have the same cell phone number I had when we were married!

But why on EARTH?  The last phone contact we had was in 2013.  And he lives with a woman.

Guesses?  More than anything, I’m just PO’d.

Thanks,
Gems

Halley's Comet?  Mercury in Retrograde?  The final discovery of what Dark Matter really does in the universe (triggers BPDexes to rando-contact family members 8 years later)?

I'm quoting heavenly occurrences because here on Earth, it makes no sense.  In the context of BPD, I'm sure it makes some kind of perfect sense.  That's my stab at it.

He's changed. He's not the man he once was. He's better now. He realises how badly he treated you and wants to make things right because no one compares to you.

If he wasn't to say any of the above IF you contacted him, I'd be shocked.

No one can know what this is all about, but my guess would be that he is lonely and bored, and has been fantasising about the perfect reunion with someone who once loved him. They live in fairytale land.

Hi Gems

Let's take a step back and breathe. Put the wonderings and shock factor away. The questions of the why and the getting put back into thinking mode. That's ok if it doesn't distress.

It sounds like your very upset.