BPDFamily.com

As I don’t have a therapist, it has been so helpful just to hear people’s thoughts on here, as I don’t have anyone to talk to about any of it in real life.
Today I was at my cleaning job and my client is kind and friendly. My wife rang up and I often put her on speaker so I can continue to clean. She was upset and ranting about something as usual. I knew it was unprofessional and somehow felt like a betrayal to my wife, but a part of me wanted my client to hear what she’s like.
After the call ended, I apologised for the disturbance and explained a little about what was going on for my wife and what she was on about (she had heard some of it anyway).
And you know what she said?
“I thought you handled that really well. You were really calm.” I walked out of that room grinning from ear to ear. I keep replaying her words in my head. I handled that really well. I was really calm. A person in the real world actually said this.  :wee:

  |iiii

 *)  |iiii

Proud of the work you've been doing -- it really shows  |iiii

It means a lot to get that feedback from "someone unconnected" to the situation, and I'm glad you had that experience! Draw on that memory in the future -- you, BP, have skills you've learned that you ARE able to access and use when things get intense.

Cheering for you!

-kells76

 :wee: :wee: :wee: :hug:

Nice work!    |iiii |iiii

Best,

FF

 I want to bring a different angle.

  The sad part is how we - caretakers- are so deprived of our own basic rights that we can stay calm when someone is verbally abusive toward us. Think about how the person was outraged by her behavior that you endure on daily basis. Keep that in mind the next time she blames you or devalues you. That will help you remember not to be scathed by the projections and devaluations.

Thanks not a hero, I appreciate your thoughts and I know you’re right. I have only recently become active in the forum a couple of months ago and read the stop caretaking book. I know I have a long way to go, but I guess for me remaining calm was the first step and something I’m only just getting to grips with (and still often fail) so that’s why I was pleased with myself.
Example, today I was spoon feeding our baby and she was sucking on the empty spoon… My wife says, “baby, there’s no food on the spoon, mama’s daydreaming…” I defended myself by saying, “I know there’s no food on the spoon I just let her suck on it each time…” And she denies that she was getting at the fact that my daydreaming was preventing me from feeding the baby properly. And this kind of thing, she constantly accuses me of “wanting to start arguments”. But I’m learning to just let it go. I sometimes do just one cheeky little “jade” statement and then drop it lol.

I am proud of you. See? You make a step by step to your own self-confidence and ideas you might follow in the future.

I believe there are people you will meet and who are going to be your friends :3

I might have just teared up reading this.  I love how your client responded to you.