BPDFamily.com

Summary: My Ex wBPD moved on immediately after our relationship.  She broke up with me, but it was not entirely one-sided.
I do not want to date her again. After an intense month, I started feeling better. She would message me, here and there, usually in response to another mutual friend being removed from her circle.
I did not engage or argue. It seemed like she was losing control of her symptoms, so I disengaged.

Today, I told her I was open to being friends again.  I told her, I understood if she wasn't. We were friends for a year before we dated. She was a good friend.
In response, she went into an Idealization Rant about her the guy she started dating 2 weeks after we broke up.
She plans to marry and move in with the guy.
She loves his kids, yada yada yada.

Clearly she's in the idealization phase. I'd say its highly likely this guy's in for an interesting next 6-8 months, or maybe longer depending on his level of codependency. There's a good chance this isn't the final time I'll interact with her, but if it is, I have to live with that. That is somewhat hard for me to deal with.

What I'm struggling with. This person helped me get into drug rehab for blow & bourbon. When I was being idealized, and getting laid all the time, it helped make rehab less PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)ty. I am doing so much better now because of that support.
She was a good friend prior to us dating. She's a survivor of abuse and that triggers some kind of caring instinct in me. Is there a caring way to stop giving a ****? I want her to be happy, but I really wonder if this person should ever be in my life in any fashion. I want to help, because I've struggled with depression & drug abuse, but I don't know if its worth the effort, at all. Or perhaps I dont have to decide that now

A lot of us here are like this. This could very well be a symptom of codependent tendencies and a therapist could help sort it out. Are you in therapy?

I am in the same position - we were friends first and after he discarded me the first time, a lot of my grief was surrounding the loss of the friendship. After the second discard I realized he really wasn't a good friend to me, that the "friendship" was very one-sided. I realized I gave and gave and he just took. It was draining. And yet for some reason I still want to be friends with him.
I am actively trying to figure this out and am working with my therapist on my codependency. It is very likely that I gravitate toward him because I am replaying the neglectful parental relationships I had in my childhood. Its pretty messed up but by exploring my childhood trauma I am starting to see what it is that keeps drawing me in to these one-sided relationships.

I have come to the conclusion that the only way to stop giving a  :cursing: is time and distance. True, 100% no contact. As long as she is in your life she will trigger that instinct in you and you will get sucked in (as me how I know). You can care about her without being part of her life. I have exes I care about - I hope they do well, I wish them the best, but I never see or interact with them. Its time to focus on yourself, be there for yourself, help yourself. I, too, battle with depression and it can be so, so rough.

In recovery for substance abuse they tell you not to date for at least a year - that you need to focus on your healing. (My dad was an addict, I grew up in AA/NA/Al-anon meetings) I think dating a pwBPD is similar to addiction - when it ends, you need to heal and to do that, you need to focus on yourself.

Hey, I have a therapist and have met with them frequently during this breakup. I do think codependency is an issue I need to address. I did frequently communicate my feelings to her and used SET communication to tell her when she crossed a line. That being said, when you're in early drug withdrawal the brain chemistry changes made me more codependent. To that end, I'm doing better at my job and exercising now.
I appreciate the advice, especially on caring about the person while not having them in your life.