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2021 started off with getting physically abused by my ubpdw. Told everything in our marriage was my fault, told i have mental illness, verbal abuse every few weeks, threats against my life and my career. This morning she was unhappy with her xmas gifts and no ones cares about her. Tomorrow i will be asking for separation and leaving the house with the kids. Past few days were peaceful but i knew it wasn’t going to last.

You might want to leave with the kids and then ask for separation.

Kids will be with my parents than i will speak to her. I have the security camera setup in the room to record any bad behavior. I have been planning this for past few weeks with the help of an attorney.

Be strong.

There are many ways you could be framed as the problem person, be careful that your preparations don't go south, so to speak.

Security camera... no sound?

This may sound a bit silly, but you may face demands to apologize for all your (whatevers).  One legal pointer is in such a case that you can say "I'm sorry you feel that way."  Sure, she may contest that but I've never heard of a court convicting someone for hurting feelings.

And you don't ask for separation.  This will be more like a new boundary, this is notice of what will be.  Well, politely of course.

Reminds me when I gave my then stbEx a vacation notice with our preschooler.  She said No, as if vacation notices were vacation requests that needed her approval.  I took my son to the Rockies and at least we had a good time.

I met up with my ubpdw and told her i decided to go separate ways, told her we should meet with a mediator to save money and time. She became very hysteric and begged for me to change my mind and everything was her fault and give her time to change. I told her we are both unhappy and i will nit change my mind. She wouldn’t let me leave the house, she was blocking the door and I didn’t want to force myself out incase she calls the police. This went on for almost 4 hours and in the end i told her we can meet in public place on Tuesday to talk it over again. She begged for me to give her another chance, don’t get me wrong it breaks my heart to see her beg, this is not what i wanted. But i can no longer go thru this emotional ups and downs. She told me to think about the kids, she told me she is scared what would happen to her when i leave her life and i was the only person to love her and get her. To be honest it breaks my heart to see her this way because i did and do love her. But i am scared what would happen to me if i stay. I also know when she realizes i will not change my mind the anger and rage will come out.

Congratulations!

On Tuesday, you need to go with a plan of action items to discuss and specific decisions which need to be made. Otherwise, it'll be unproductive and emotionally taxing.

Wow that opening post congratulations, Sir.