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Title: hard time on new year Post by: encore22 on January 01, 2022, 07:07:49 PM Hi,
I am having a hard time, and my wife will not speak to me on NYD...I feel empty and hurt... I do not know what to make of it... I only tried to have her join us and celebrate with our kids on NY eve, and yes, I really tried hard to change her mind... But I was only trying to do the right thing for the family. History with her - 20 years marriage...she will often use the silent treatment... yet I have to talk when she is ready ( no matter whose fault it was, often just a misunderstanding )... Despite the Covid, we have really been helping each other out, caring well, I would say, for each other... If we had these issues in the past, I am surprised that it re-emerges... In the past she got fed up with me as I had panic attacks ( which she saw as manipulation ). I control those very well now. She is Asian, I am of French heritage. I would say we have a history of psych. violence but a lot less so now, if ever, which is why I cannot explain this. I am left hurt, in shambles. Title: Re: hard time on new year Post by: bugwaterguy on January 01, 2022, 07:21:50 PM I don't have an easy answers.
Trying to change her mind usually will not work. If she is overwhelmed by emotion, don't JADE (justify, argue, defend, or explain) it wastes your time, and usually makes things work. It is difficult - but you just have to let it go. Hopefully later she will come around. Have you read any of the BPD books? Title: Re: hard time on new year Post by: encore22 on January 01, 2022, 11:47:49 PM I do not believe I have read any such books. I read Christian books, etc...
I thank you for your reply. It is a start... Title: Re: hard time on new year Post by: bugwaterguy on January 02, 2022, 05:26:45 AM You should consider reading "Stop Walking On Eggshells" to start. It is extremely helpful.
Also Stop Walking On Eggshells Workbook Loving Someone With BPD Title: Re: hard time on new year Post by: thankful person on January 02, 2022, 05:08:48 PM Hi I also recommend the book “ stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist” it’s really eye opening and I listen to it on audible in my car (I rarely have time alone so real books aren’t an option for me). The books and forum have helped me to understand that my wife has an emotional disability. This is not a reason to bend over backwards trying to please her, as I used to. Rather it is about firstly handling things better so she’s not quite so angry and reactive. And secondly dealing with things better myself, when my wife is angry with me. I wish you all the best. This is a great forum and the people are so kind and knowledgeable.
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