BPDFamily.com

So my girlfriend has BPD and we've been dating for almost 2 years and we live together. Over the past 2-3 weeks, she's decided that she needs space and has been going out with her friends almost every single night and staying at her friend's house fairly often as well. She's never done this before in our relationship. Typically if she's upset, she gets angry and has outbursts. She's never frozen me out like this. She doesn't want to talk about anything and I caught her "mindlessly flirting" with someone via text. It's a person that she would never realistically go for so I know she wasn't texting them b/c she actually has any feelings for them. When she originally asked for space she told me I'd been "overwhelming" her. We decided to give each other space and we'll talk about whether or not we want to make this work or split up this coming Sunday. Throughout this "space" when we have been at our house together (I've been staying with a friend for the past few nights) she's still kissed me goodbye and told me she loves me. But she isn't showing any interest in our relationship at all. She said she's struggling with trust issues with me, but they're very old trust issues and I've been working on them like crazy. She isn't putting in any effort into our relationship and seems to want to spend all of her time drinking and going out/hanging out with friends. This happened so randomly and she's been behaving in ways so unlike her I feel like there has to be some sort of underlying thing going on with her mental health. She hasn't felt good about herself in awhile and she's stressed about money and family and stuff so I'm wondering if all of that could've built up into this situation? Why is she shutting me out and how can I fix this? I don't want to lose her and I'm willing to do whatever I need to.

Could it be that she's looking for a reaction from you? Scared to loose you and wants you to be equally scared to loose her. You don't want to loose her but she isn't convinced and is looking for proof.

I'm a beginner in understanding these things so I don't have any suggestions to what you should do. My wife talks about an old emotional affair a lot and she told me once that if I made her happy she wouldn't do that, so talking about him is a sign that she's unhappy with our relationship at that moment.

Doesn't mean it's your fault but it could be the "logic" behind it.

Here’s a thread on the “push/pull” that people with BPD often engage in. Because intimacy triggers their fears of being smothered and distance triggers their fears of abandonment, they alternate between these two polarities.

Push/Pull (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=99725.0)