BPDFamily.com

Just seperated from my wife of 17 years 7 week ago who 3 years ago told me her Psycholigist thought she might have BPD. Over the last 5 years she has been hard to connect with and me having my own mental health issues didnt help. Over the last several months her 27 year old son has contributed greatly to my mental health decline due to his manuiplation, and anti social personality disorder causing me to live in fear. Things came to a head when i said i wanted to trespass him so my S/O started a fight saying "You dont love or care about me" i got angry and told her to F off and said i was done and wanted a divorce. Since then she has ghosted me as we both moved out. During a 4 week period there was much conflict between my son and her resulting first in a trespass order which i didnt support as She refused to say what happened, then a personal safety order and finally a trespass order against him which she tried to drag me into but the judge declined.
She and her son have destroyed us both mentally and with everyone we know. She has now moved 1000 km away and found a new source with a female friend saying how happy she is. I  first asked her to unblock me from Facebook as i wanted to know if she was happy which she did, and has now  limited who can see her posts and still refuses to speak to me. Its a real mind @#$% as shes post memes and songs with lyrics like " How many times do i have to tell you to keep your big mouth shut" which is something she used to say to me verbatim. Its like shes trying to control and manuiplate me which was part of the reason i was done.

I have found that no contact has been the best resolution for me. I do not need to know that my soon to be ex husband is on social media sharing how happy someone else has made him nor do I need to see him sharing things that are placed to trigger a response from me. Walking away from the situation in full has been one of the things I found was needed in order for myself to move forward, to focus on myself and my healing. It is a hard step to take, having someone be the person you shared everyday with to someone you share nothing with at all, but I have found it a necessary step. My future life does not have this person in it so my current life needs to begin severing the ties where I can.

It is not 'like' she is trying to control you. It is all about control.These relationships start and end with control as the main objective, but it is not always as obvious as the escalated manipulations you experience towards the end or after the discard.

Did the relationship start with some sort of shared fantasy idea? Without knowing it you got cast in that fantasy play to act out a role and received a script to follow from the get go.

Hello Dazed  :hi:
17 yrs is a long time to be with someone and even though you have been struggling with the relationship and your own mental health issues over the last 5 yrs, it is understandably really tough for you right now. I can hear there has been a huge amount of conflict and upset between you and your wife. How are you, and is it your son, doing after all that has gone on?

Despite all the upset I think I can hear that you still perhaps want to talk things through with your wife. Do you know what you want from talking to her, are there things you still need to sort out?

The situation on Facebook sounds upsetting and is clearly meant as a message to you that is also causing you pain. Is there a way that you could be in contact that causes you less upset than looking at her posts? Maybe take some time away from Facebook so you can think more clearly about what you want going forward.

Looking after your mental health and prioritising your needs are your top priorities at the moment. Do you have a support network in place for yourself, family, friends a therapist? Being with someone who has BPD often means our needs aren’t prioritised and we neglect ourselves, try and use this separation (I know it’s hard as you feel hurt and possibly confused) to reestablish some self-care and post here about how you are feeling and want your immediate plans look like.
 Let us know more about how you are doing.