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Title: First post: BPD breakup debacle Post by: MiniBee on January 27, 2022, 02:23:28 PM :help:
I am so grateful to have found this site I salute all of you for your advice and while my problem might not be as significant in terms of time spent I'd still really appreciate any help. My, now ex, boyfriend has BPD, ADHD, ASD. We had a great start to a relationship as I also have ASD and so we massively clicked, I am aware there could be some mirroring involved but communication was open and neither of us felt we had to mask around the other person. He was open from the start about his 'chronically suicidal' label from his psychiatric staff and has some serious trauma under the bonnet, having self harmed for as long as he can remember. Though our relationship was pretty short, and he did have a couple of extremely low days, the rest of the time was fine. Last week I received a message saying his feelings had shut down and didn't know if or when they would come back, and that he'd rather me be with someone more stable. Is this splitting? And if so, do I stay, or will that make things worse for him? He's been very open about his fear of abandonment and being flaky on friends so that he has control of being hurt, and likewise I've always reassured him that I'm not going anywhere and that I'm here to support him no matter what. I haven't heard from him since and I'm scared of making his headspace worse if I pursue it too much, but also I'd hate for him to think I wouldn't get back with him. What should I do? Title: Re: First post: BPD breakup debacle Post by: Jabiru on January 27, 2022, 04:37:10 PM Hi and welcome :hi: It sounds tough to go through that. If you've let him know you're open to reconnecting, it may be best to leave it at that and give him more time to process everything. Take some time for yourself and do things you enjoy.
Title: Re: First post: BPD breakup debacle Post by: judee on January 28, 2022, 02:38:48 AM Hi MiniBee,
It is very hard to keep stable when the person you love shows this behaviour, isn't it? My ex (diagnosed BPD) behaved similar to yours. He would want to break up with me because he felt like he is no good ( in his words ' a piece of s#$%'. A loser. harmful to me, etc ) No matter how much I tried to convince him he is wonderful , funny , caring ... it didn't help. It took me awhile to understand that the splitting occurring in people with BPD not only is limited to other people, it also implies themselves. Cocktail it with the shame and guilt and this black and white mentality sooner or later also turns to themselves. ( and to you ). |