BPDFamily.com

To us - to them….
Idk, I am all over the place lately and the only people that can remotely understand my ups/downs and anxiety over wtf I should do vs what I am so scared to do are complete strangers on a message board.

I struggle so much lately with a deep sadness and anger around why he knows how he is yet he’s not able (willing?) to control it.

I’m so tired of not being spoken to for days and then when I do get him to speak he says he feels alone and that no one is there for him. Meanwhile, I’m bending over backwards and losing myself just to see a small glimpse of any emotional connection from him.

I could write a 30 paragraph recap but I’ll save you the gory details until relevant to the convo. You all know what I’m dealing with and can understand why I’m still here… I am pretty sure I’ll be discarded soon …

You're not alone. I completely understand and feel what you're going through. *hugs*

Welcome, Kaitlin700!  :hi:

We have been through a lot of this. Well, our versions of it. But there sure are a lot of similarities in our sories.

We're here. The community here is wonderful.

 :hug:

Reading your post and feel for you as my HwBPD just walked past me and didn’t make eye contact. ( 3rd day in a row of the silent treatment). I don’t post that often, however this site is my comfort, my go to and what keeps me hanging on. After 40 years with this man, I am too ashamed to discuss this BPD with anyone else. Hang in there and take advantage of this group.

Simply said, their brains are wired differently. We’d hope they could have compassion for our issues (often to do with them), but unfortunately their focus is mostly upon themselves, due to developmental issues which haven’t led to the executive functionality that most people achieve in their mid-twenties.

A frequent issue we have dealing with BPD people is difficulty knowing which behaviors are under their control and which aren't. It's often impossible to know, and can be very frustrating.

Equally (or more) frustrating is being blamed when it's their actions that are causing the problems. This is also very difficult to get around, as pwBPD are so frightened and insecure underneath that they are unable to handle the task of seeing where they f--d up, and so must cast others in that role. This makes it very hard to solve problems with mutual effort.

I think it comes down to the fact they're fear-driven. If it falls into this bucket, then no, they can't control it. It is a matter of real or perceived survival for them.