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Just laying it down here - today is a particularly tough day.   Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes it hits me in waves.  The complete falseness of it all.  Incredible. And the hole that sits there now.  Just empty.  And on good days, it’s no problem.  It’s not there.  But on days when I feel disconnected from those I love and those who love me, it’s hard.   I guess it’s one of those days - reminders all around of the romantic fairytale narrative.  The one I once felt like I finally found with him.  How I felt then, so happy, in love.  This romantic fairytale narrative - It makes those of us with attachment issues feel the pain all the more. 

Thanks for listening.  Sending strength to others like me who may be feeling particularly low today. 

Hi Calli,

Holidays seem to make everything we feel so much larger and magnify it tenfold. I'm sorry that it's been a tough day. You aren't alone in your struggle today. There are lots of reminders of what we used to have.

Did you do anything special to celebrate you today? We are learning to love ourselves after coming through such difficult relationships.  |iiii

 :hug:
Wools

Hi Wools,

Thanks so much for the reply.  You’re right - the holidays can be triggering.  And I think that’s what happened yesterday for me.  In hindsight I feel like I should have planned for the difficulty.  Last year, my ex w bpd was starting another devaluation cycle of me (it probably had begun earlier) around Valentine’s Day.  He was giving me the silent treatment yet again on the day, so It went kind of sadly then.  This year, since we are no longer romantically involved, I didn’t think anything much of it.   Both the person I’m with now and I  had a lot of work to do, so we decided to postpone recognizing the holiday until another day.   In hindsight I feel like I should have lined up something else to keep me occupied - date with friends, activities, or hobbies to help distract me.  So I’ll try to predict these things better in the future.    Thanks for checking in - I did in fact make sure to go easy on myself, setting aside work I could put off, doing a crossword puzzle, reading, and taking a nice long bath.  So I came out of it ok, all things considered.   I think spending the day with my friends or family may have been a better approach, so next time I’ll keep it in mind.   Today is going ok, I’ll catch my bearings soon.   
Thanks again for your help, Wools! 
Calligrapher

I feel you today. Don't know why today is tough, but it just is.

my heart hurts a whole lot.

I guess we can only take one day at a time when feeling this way.