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Title: Length of dysregulation state Post by: DogMom2019 on February 15, 2022, 08:21:34 PM My spouse has been consistently riding the emotional roller coaster since August 2021. Just wondering what's going to come first, her regulating her emotions or the divorce she's adamant on?
What's the longest dysregulation time your pwBPD has experienced? Title: Re: Length of dysregulation state Post by: BigOof on February 15, 2022, 09:03:38 PM A couple of days of total rampaging.
Excerpt Just wondering what's going to come first, her regulating her emotions or the divorce she's adamant on? Neither. You need to take control of the situation by being assertive. Title: Re: Length of dysregulation state Post by: DogMom2019 on February 15, 2022, 09:13:54 PM A couple of days of total rampaging. Neither. You need to take control of the situation by being assertive. It's been a cyclical dysregulation since August... I'm painted black for about 25 days out of the month, then the sun comes out and I'm back in good graces for about 5 days, intermittently throughout the month. This is the longest amount of time she has held on to wanting to divorce me. Being assertive? I don't understand... What am I asserting? I am working on my personal boundaries and radical acceptance... But other than that... I'm not sure I follow. Title: Re: Length of dysregulation state Post by: BigOof on February 15, 2022, 09:21:18 PM Working on personal boundaries is a form of being assertive, but you need to go further than this. Being painted black and then white isn't okay. You should assert that this isn't okay. Being in limbo re divorce isn't okay. You should assert this isn't okay by filing for divorce and ripping the bandaid off.
What do you want out of a relationship? Can you assert that to yourself? What do you want out of life? Can you assert you need to be treated with respect and dignity? Title: Re: Length of dysregulation state Post by: zaqsert on February 15, 2022, 09:25:31 PM My spouse has been consistently riding the emotional roller coaster since August 2021. Just wondering what's going to come first, her regulating her emotions or the divorce she's adamant on? It's impossible to say if or when she will regulate her emotions. You have no control over this. pwBPD often don't make significant decisions or take significant action on their own. They seem more likely to wait and let someone else act. Then they're "not responsible" for the outcome. They can also be unpredictable. You have no control over this either. What's the longest dysregulation time your pwBPD has experienced? You'll probably get a wide range of answers to this question. My uBPDw recently went for about 3 weeks straight. That was a non-stop record. It's been a cyclical dysregulation since August... I'm painted black for about 25 days out of the month, then the sun comes out and I'm back in good graces for about 5 days, intermittently throughout the month. This is the longest amount of time she has held on to wanting to divorce me. In that sense, for my W it's been more like 1.5 years at this point. But if your question has more to do with how long you want to hang on and wait for something to change, keep in mind that you're the only one who can make change happen, whatever that change may be. I'm paraphrasing what BifOof wrote. Title: Re: Length of dysregulation state Post by: BigOof on February 15, 2022, 09:29:38 PM Excerpt My uBPDw recently went for about 3 weeks straight. That was a non-stop record. That's insane. I'm so sorry to hear, zaqsert. Title: Re: Length of dysregulation state Post by: zaqsert on February 15, 2022, 09:49:56 PM That's insane. I'm so sorry to hear, zaqsert. Thanks, BigOof. Looking on the bright side, it helped to reinforce my decision to move on. |