BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone. I've been wondering about you for some time and just wanted to know how everyone is doing. Perhaps you can put me in the picture about how you've been?

Sorry for dropping off the map in November. It was bit of a rough time. As you know, I naively thought I had it all together, when I promptly slipped into this ill-fated relation with the narcissistic pianist. I'm happy to report that that's mostly under control now. His behaviour eventually became so intolerable that I cut him off. Now he reliably stalks me on social media and tries to h00ver me every now and again, but I just ignore everything he says and don't respond to anything. The situation isn't ideal -- he's still a complete mess and I'd rather he didn't write at all -- but it's become manageable, and his lame messages every three or four weeks or so are easy enough to ignore.

The past few months were exhausting in many ways. On top of everything, my country decided to pass ridiculous Covid measures completely divorced from both science and reality, and turned us into an internationally-ridiculed police state within but a few weeks. We had several months (!) where millions of my fellow countrymen refusing the vaccine were forcefully confined to their homes, with police patrolling the streets trying to catch "offenders", and denunciation running rampant as if we were a Communist country behind the Iron Curtain in the 1980's. There's little I detest more than authoritarianism and collectivism, so I ended up protesting against the measures, having lots of Socratic discussions with both fervent proponents and dissidents, and helping regular people circumvent the often bizarre, often inhumane restrictions. It was rather unpleasant, but at least it gave me something to do.

We're still reeling from the aftermath, and since there is little more I can do about our incompetent government at the moment, I've largely retreated into myself. My new dwellings are tolerably furnished by now and I've more or less settled in. I had a couple of bad weeks in which everything I used to take for granted was completely out of whack, even basic things like sleeping and eating. I honestly don't know how that happened. Perhaps there's a compound effect, but the aftermath of the Narc situationship was in some ways more destabilising than that with my BPD ex.

Anyway. I'm on my feet again, my work and finances are in order, as are the other banalities of daily life. These days I spend a lot of time reading, especially philosophy, and enjoy it just as much as I used to when I was younger; I'm also writing essays again with great appetite, though with a lot less clarity and wit than when I was younger.

Most importantly, I finally figured out that the source of my oft-lamented unhappiness wasn't so much a social loneliness, but an existential loneliness: and that the latter can reliably be cured by engaging with Beauty -- by reading, playing and listening to music, or looking at classical architecture and art. Daily life, too, profits from being imbued with a deeper aesthetic: so I ensure my surroundings are generally clean and tidy, and when I get home at night, I put on some Händel, cook a proper dinner and pour myself a glass of claret, to go along with the philosophical dialogues I have in my mind with an imaginary dinner companion. (At this point you might suggest that I should have titled this thread "Sounds like Sappho is losing it", but at least I'm having a good time.)

Anyway. I hope you're well. I shall now try and catch up with the individual fates of my known brethren in arms by perusing their own threads.

Nice to hear you are in better spirits and in a better head space. Thank you for checking in with us.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

Sappho - so glad to hear from you!  I often wondered how you've been holding up and it sounds like you are doing well despite your circumstances.