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Title: What to work on with therapist? Post by: mitten on March 02, 2022, 09:39:43 AM I've been talking to a therapist monthly for the last 2 years about my relationship with my uBPDw. He has a few clients that have partners with BPD but he doesn't necessarily specialize in it. The sessions usually start with him asking how I'm doing and what I want to talk about today. He's super validating and I do feel better after talking to him, however I'm thinking I want more structure in my sessions. Like goals or specific things to work on. When he asks me what I want to talk about today what should I say? I don't want it to be just a monthly vent session but actually work towards some goals...any ideas?
Some things I've asked him about in the past: How to decide if my uBPDw and I should have a 3rd child How to not be so afraid of conflict. How to be more assertive and ask for things I want (see family, friends, do hobbies, etc) Title: Re: What to work on with therapist? Post by: kells76 on March 02, 2022, 10:36:56 AM Excerpt When he asks me what I want to talk about today what should I say? Excerpt I want more structure in my sessions. That sounds like a good meta-conversation to have. Maybe bring up straightforwardly "This is what I think I need in our sessions... what do you think, is that something you're able to do" (or something like that). It's also good practice in being Excerpt more assertive and ask[ing] for things I want See how it goes to be assertive with your T about what you want in sessions. Sounds like a safer place to practice. Title: Re: What to work on with therapist? Post by: mitten on March 02, 2022, 09:30:16 PM Good call on it being a safe place to practice being assertive. I just want the session to be more than a vent session. Those are good from time to time but now I'm feeling like I'm wandering aimlessly from session to session with no goals or plan in mind.
Title: Re: What to work on with therapist? Post by: T0M on March 03, 2022, 08:58:06 AM I've been talking to a therapist monthly for the last 2 years about my relationship with my uBPDw. He has a few clients that have partners with BPD but he doesn't necessarily specialize in it. The sessions usually start with him asking how I'm doing and what I want to talk about today. He's super validating and I do feel better after talking to him, however I'm thinking I want more structure in my sessions. Like goals or specific things to work on. When he asks me what I want to talk about today what should I say? I don't want it to be just a monthly vent session but actually work towards some goals...any ideas? Some things I've asked him about in the past: How to decide if my uBPDw and I should have a 3rd child How to not be so afraid of conflict. How to be more assertive and ask for things I want (see family, friends, do hobbies, etc) How about refusing to go in to therapy for something that is not within your power to change? Plus, it is your therapists responsibility, especially if BPD is not his expertise, to have a plan in place. I assume he does not do it for free? If you feel you are getting stuck and/or do not feel you get any progress, it is your therapists responsibility. Not yours. Does your H know you're in therapy because of his behavior? Why do you do it? To give him even more validation that you will do anything to love him? Sorry, but this frustrates me. If you get hammered on the hand, you don't ask how you should hold your hand to absorb the blows and deal with the pain. You ask them to stop hammering. Title: Re: What to work on with therapist? Post by: SinisterComplex on March 03, 2022, 02:05:24 PM Good call on it being a safe place to practice being assertive. I just want the session to be more than a vent session. Those are good from time to time but now I'm feeling like I'm wandering aimlessly from session to session with no goals or plan in mind. In order for your therapy to work for you then you have to put in more work. How do you do that? Well the others have said it here in the thread already...state your needs. Be assertive. In therapy is when you need to practice on becoming more comfortable tackling the bull by the horns so to speak. Therapy is used to help you grow. If you are just venting then why go to therapy? You have friends for that, etc. Know what I mean? Be frank with your therapist and adopt the mindset of this being an investment. You have to make changes to see a return on your investment. Right now that investment is a loss, but it can be turned around and become that superstar investment that makes you wealthy (figuratively speaking of course ;-). Through all my analogies the bottom line point is to get comfortable with rocking the boat...it is ok to do so and it is healthy. Cheers and best wishes! -SC- |